The Destined
--Prologue--
One year ago
The darkness welcomed him. It encompassed his mind, penetrating his soul, but something seemed out of place: I can feel. As this thought echoed in his mind, a blue glow spread out in front of his eyes and a disembodied voice called to him. Fight the darkness and become the embodiment of the light and dark…take my hand, together we can embrace your Destiny.
Okay, in the above chapter, the main problem was thoughts. Now since this is supposed to be cryptic, I won't go on about using dialog tags (you seem to be able to use them well enough from the rest of the prologue. However, at the very least, the parts that are to be voices should set off somehow, be it quotation marks, underlining, bolding, italicized (my personal choice), etc.
--Three Months Later--
The sun was cresting over the tired landscape. This morning, something lurked, unchallenged, emotionless. The tranquil morning was shatter
ed when news spread across the kingdom, the royal princess, has been taken.
With this last statement, a problem is encountered. You either need to say "when news spread across the kingdom that the princess had been taken" (for a word choice, I would use "abducted" as it is more dramatic and descriptive) or "when a terrible bit (the added words are to make the sentence more natural, you could use whatever you wanted instead) of news spread across the kingdom: The royal princess has been captured!" The colon sets off exactly what the news was, so present tense could be used in the latter scenario.
Soon, metallic stars began twinkling through the early afternoon sky. Militia ships were converging on the traumatized world, twelve ships in all; each with a different design indigenous to the representatives
of the world. The twelve ships began transmitting the necessary docking cod
es and landing on the castle skydeck. As the representatives exited their ships, rumors began to creep across the world
, (need a comma to separate clauses) from a declaration of war was being formed, to the conspiracy of a military coup. Still, the 12
(generally speaking, the number 12 wouldn't be used here. For two digit numbers and under, the full word is use, aka. "twelve" instead of "12". For all numbers 3 digits and over, the number is used, except for amounts with a single digit and the rest are zeros, such as 100, 200, 3000, 10000, etc. These would be written out in their entirety) individuals walked unencumbered through the castle to the Room of Declarations.
The room was circular, with holo statistic screens linked to each chair that were situated around the room’s focal point; the Triforce pedestal. Ornately carved with glass marble, the Triforce pedestal was carved to represent the very sacred triforce of old. As each individual entered the room, gossip could be heard quietly emulating
(emanating) around a central thought: fear. Two twin frosted glass doors rose up into the ceiling, causing all conversation to halt as the secondary leader entered the room.
She moved with a set grace, an aire
(remove the "e" at the end of "aire". The word in question is "air") of importance, but her complexion spoke a different tone, the last 24 hours having drained most happiness from her solemn eyes,
and breathed tiredness in
to her voice
(without adding something like I have, it doesn't make sense). All the representatives rose as she passed, showing different means of respect, whether it be a slight bow or a loyal gesture.
As she rounded the Triforce pedestal, she paused. All eyes followed her gaze to the twin thrones of leadership, where the left throne stood empty.
The room remained silent until the secondary leader took her place on the right throne. She had not asked to have the second throne removed, because she did not desire the royal princess to be….she looked around the room and signaled the representatives to take their seats.
From behind the shadows of the secondary leader’s throne, a small, determined speaker rose to a podium situated near the head of the Triforce Pedestal. He approached a worn leather logbook and cleared his throat. “Your Highness, ladies and gentlemen’, he stated, motioning around the pedestal, ‘you have been called upon as members of divisions of our great kingdom, and liaisons for our allies.”
(Nice use of dialog!)
Ten sets of eyes moved from the speaker to the two unfamiliar liaisons situated at the far end. The speaker continued without pause, “…today, are the representatives of the Honor Guardsmen to the Royal Families…”
One man sat on either side of the two thrones
, each the honorary guardsmen for their leader. The guardsmen situated to the right throne was wearing silver and red battle armor and sport
ed a steely gaze at each individual as if trying to see into their thoughts. The guardsmen of the empty throne wore a sage green tunic armor and sapphire shield, an oddly shaped sword strapped to his back. His expression was blank, but his eyes betrayed the seriousness of the situation.
“…the generals of our air and space fleets…two agents of the Security & Intel Bureau…Militia Research & Development…myself representing Communication, and finally our liaisons from the Far plane Kingdom; Aeirth, and from Kingdom Hearts, Ansem the Wise
(So wait, is this like a collaboration fanfic, where a bunch of stories are combined into one. Interesting!). Let us Begin.” The speaker opened the logbook and produced a slim pair of glasses and began transcribing the minutes.
All eyes turned and focused on the leader, who sat high and proper with her gloved hands resting in her lap. She in turn began. “My friends, fellow citizens. Yesterday you each were summoned for your specific expertise and it is our duty here, to understand the abduction in its entirety, and…” Her gaze shifted to the green tuniced guardsmen, “I feel it is important to start at the abduction. Link, if you
would.”
Link’s head was bowed, eyes shut while he cleared his mind. How would he be able to describe this…it wasn’t similar to the past attempts, to the point of emotionless, and those eyes….The room rang with deafening silence, all eyes fixed on Link, many daring not to rush the details. The silence persisted for a handful of moments
("handful of moments". You don't here that phrase to often, nice originality!) before Link began.
“This was not like the other times the Princess has been captured, it happened faster than any of her guards, or I, could react. Near dusk, storm clouds began to form over Hyrule Castle and with it; a brown-gray haze slowly blew into the castle. The gaze materialized into a figure of a hooded being carrying one of the sacred key blades inside the throne room. He struck down all the men, barely allowing them to draw their weapons to defend the princess. He approached me, moving without care and as though I didn’t exist, the entire time his eyes never leaving the princess. I attacked the figure, but he struck back and cast me aside with such force that I…failed her.”
A small murmur rose around the pedestal. “All that I remember is seeing those eyes and hearing him tell Princess Zelda that her destiny was at hand. He reached out and held her arm and they both dissolved.” Link quietly said, returning to his thoughts.
“Thank you Link” the leader quietly expressed, turning her attention to the generals. “Were any ships intercepted leaving Hyrule?” Near the far end of the pedestal, the maroon armor clad Space General Samus Aran motioned towards a holoview of the planet.
“Met Squad and Fox Squad didn’t register any inbound or outbound ships leaving Hyrule and this smaller display shows a 24 hour delay of the ship deck, again, no activity.”
Next to General Aran, General Fox McCloud rocked back on his seat, two feet propped up on the tablet. “If this mystery assailant appeared out of a haze, it is entirely plausible they left by the same means.”
The leader worked her gaze to the right of Link, to the Security and Intel representatives. “What were the reports on the guards?”
Agent Leon Kennedy
(LOL, Resident Evil . . . . don't see him too often, at least not here) was glancing through an organized Raccoon City Medical dossier and lowered it to the table. “Not good, all of the guards were killed, autopsy reports indicate that the guards were killed with a large curved blade, but the doctors are still trying to isolate the weapons shape because in each case in appears to alternate.”
Kennedy looked to his right at the Intel officer who sat polishing his assortment of poke balls. “Mew Intel reports that Koopa-Troopas are gathering along the outskirts of Bowser’s Castle, while the Shadow Realm remains quiet on Hyrule, so this appears that this is a localized incident that could escalate” Officer Ash Ketchum announced, checking the shine of one ball in the light.
Across the table, Luigi piped in with R&D’s findings, “We’ve analyzed the haze from particles in the Hyrule Throne room, but it appears as though the haze was a mere cloud of dust.”
More reports began streaming in, as some questions were answered while others were heavily debated. As this was transpiring, Ansem the Wise was slowly generating his own thoughts. The way that Link described the abduction, it appeared as though Xehanort had gone behind his back with the experiments…he must contact the king. As Ansem began to rise, a gentle hand grasped his forearm, slowly pulling him back down. “It’s ok, he’ll come.”
Ansem looked down into the soft, caring eyes of Aeirth peering up at him. All conversation slowly stalled on a report of gathering Metroids. The words brought a chilling calm to the room, as if this statement made everything all right. Aeirth’s smiled, sweeping her eyes around the room before resting on Princess Peach, “He’ll come.”
A shrill alarm erupted from the holo-displays, breaking the prophetic calm. The room became a flurry of activity as news feeds began streaming in.
“Princess, a large force of metroids are appearing above all eastern worlds”
“Security systems are crashing across the kingdom”
“Mew Intel is compromised, Team Rocket is attacking Kanto”
“We must get you below the bunker your Highness”
“Defensive grid power is down below 30%”
“EVERYONE, PLEASE.”
Princess Peach had risen from her throne; the room became silent, except for the occasional computer chirp of chime of new information. “Now then’ Peach calmly asked, looking around the room, ‘Do we know who has declared war?”
Everyone was staring intently at their displays, trying to sort through the details. Toadstool, meanwhile had received and crept from his podium to Princess Peaches throne. “You’re Highness; you have been requested on video one.” All eyes snapped toward the central display.
A shadowed figure rose in the middle of the pedestal, the only visible characteristics were two golden eyes, an ornately designed curved blade, the rest hidden beneath a swirling gray cloak... The hooded figure cleared his throat and began speaking in an unnaturally icy-calm voice.
“Be est thou of days of old,
Cometh to Collect.
This day brings not words to bore,
But the Key blade War.
I challenge you to a game of duel
Key blades the chosen weapon.
But knowest this, one thing shan’t miss
I’ll know if thou smell of deception.
Another morn, another crime
Destiny demands.
Tomorrow at the Sands of Time
They journey’s meet their ends.
But knowest this,
If you laugh in jest,
You’re loyalties shan’t swell
For the Far plane has already fell.”
The holo faded to nothingness, all breathing seemed to have stopped when the hooded figure began speaking. A small gasp echoed from Aeirth. Tears began forming, filling her eyesight. “The lifestream can never die…he’ll come and make it right.” She said this to no one in particular, but everyone understood the message. A group broke off to dissect the message, other’s formed battle strategies, but Ansem the Wise knew that tomorrow would awaken to war...