Untitled-This is a comedy

[PostMentalFerocity]

Intros.

Everyone gathered in the TV room. “What’s this all about Xemnas?” Saix walked through the doorway, even though he could have teleported in.

“With the arrival of Larxene, we can continue.” The gravelly low voice of Xemnas rolled forth.
“Get on with it.” Axel chimed in from the back.

“May I?” A black glove tapped Xemnas on the shoulder. A nobody that had never been seen before stood behind Xemnas.

“My name is Velnox. I lost my heart, or rather gave up my heart after being pushed to a point I won’t discuss. I’m just saying that if you mess with me, I’ll kill you. And that’s no empty threat. I mutilated some random nobody outside because I didn’t like how it looked at me. Literally, it twitched at me wrong, and I stabbed it in the face; or whatever face there’s supposed to be.”

The young boy was in his late teens to early adulthood. “So, needless to say I’ll need someone to show me around. Any volunteers?” He crossed his arms as a dark portal opened, and Larxene stumbled out.

“Demyx! How many times do I have to tell you? The dark corridors are not an excuse for cleaning your room!” Velnox rubbed his chin. Dirty thoughts were already forming in his head. “Would that involve the chains?” He thought.

“I didn’t give you permission to speak. Here in ‘The World that Never Was’ I am the boss. You may have been a nobody for a really long time, but I still call the shots.” Xemnas scolded Velnox.

“Well, you know what? If I didn’t think you’d kick me out, I’d kill you.” Velnox pointed Xemnas in the face, tapping his nose. Axel, Xigbar, Luxord, Lexeaus, and Demyx all burst out laughing at Xemnas’ unmitigated pwnage. “Now, I’m going to my room before I slit everybody’s non-existing throats. Somebody say something.” He just opened a portal and faded from sight.

“Oh great another homicidal maniac.” Vexen rolled his eyes.

“Oooohh you got dissed…burrrrnedddd.” Axel jeered from the back.

Just before he entered the portal, Velnox glared at Larxene. It wasn’t one of those “I’m coming after you because you’re the only girl” look. It was more like an “I’ll kill you if you even BREATHE at me look.” In the two seconds Velnox and Larxene stared at each other, 15 million lives entered and blinked out of existence and THAT’S the last you’ll hear of them.

“What’s his damage?” Larxene asked Marluxia. He shrugged and got up. The role of Marluxia will not be utilized in this story; so from here on out, Marluxia will be filled by P. Diddy, because I’m the writer and I feel like it.

“Well… I guess that’s all” Xemnas disappeared as well.

“This was a waste of time.” Saix got up.

“I hate you all. I’m going back to my room.” Zexion followed Saix out of the room; as did Xigbar, Xaldin, Vexen, Lexeaus, Demyx, and P. Diddy, who was doing the “Harlem Shake” as he walked out in his “Vote or Die” shirt. (lol, shameless plugging. Voting and rappers? What will I think of next)

“Well who’s up for a night of binge drinking?” Luxord rubbed his hands together.

Velnox’s POV

“What a bunch of ‘tards.” I thought unpacking my things. I obviously wasn’t kicked out by my previous comments, because Xemnas would have sent Sorcerers after me. Yeah, I knew about his little temper. “I can’t believe he put me on the XIIIth floor. I guess I WILL have to kill him.” I thought as I spread my velvet sex cover over my rotating hover bed. (A/N- In case anyone didn’t catch the reference, it’s from Futurama)

“Knock-Knock” Went the door.

“Great, more idiocy.” I said out loud, so that the uninvited guest could hear me. Before I could even touch the knob, it blew open.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Larxene grabbed me by the collar.

“GO…AWAY!” I forcibly removed myself from her grip. It was rather flimsy. I guess it’s either because she hasn’t been a nobody that long, or she’s just a REALLY weak nobody.

“You gave me a dirty look in the TV Room. What was it?” She grabbed her wrist, and rubbed it. I think I might have sprained it. Larxene stood up. She noticed the red velvet cover.

“Are you expecting something to happen here?” She put her hands on her waist, and stared at me.

“If I wanted it to happen, it would. You couldn’t stop me anyway. I’d take what I wanted and leave you crying on the floor.” I tried to unpack before she HAD to continue to speak.

Unfortunately she did. “You think I’m weak because I’m a woman?”

She grabbed my shoulder and turned me around. It seemed as if I upset her. Actually that’d be impossible as we were nobodies, and have no emotions. I just HAD to pick at her.

“Are you ANGRY?” I smiled. “Tell me, how long has it been? When was the last time someone rocked your world?” I taunted her. Her face was red with anger and embarrassment. “Do you even remember what it feels like? Can you EVEN feel anymore?” I got in her face moving slowly towards her as she backed away.

Larxene moved her left leg back. “Are you going to run away?” Velnox moved closer to her again. Larxene, instead of running, decided to try and knee him in the groin. As it moved closer, Velnox grabbed her knee and flung her to the floor.

“What are you going to do?” She trembled. My presence was a bit intimidating to her.

“Nothing.” Velnox turned back to his bed. “I told you to go away.” He smiled internally taking a set of handcuffs from the box. Larxene couldn’t understand why that had happened. Maybe it was being overpowered, or maybe it was being rejected, but either way Larxene was attracted to him.The things was, she didn't know it.
~

Well, let me know what you think. I tried this once before, but my skills were still shit back then. I'm retrying this now that I have improved.

[madammina]

YEAH!! Go PMF!! I really liked it. It'll be interesting (and probably X rated) to see what Velnox and Larxene get up to.

And, them all watching TV? I'm still cracking up about that. Although I did find Velnox's opening a little annoying and repetitive, but that's probably what you were going for.

[Elorah]

Ooh i like. I like a lot. ^_^
Hehe and yes, I did get the futurama reference. The amount of random references was nice, not too much.
You have an awesome sense of humour. I'm looking forward to see what happens next!

[Nelo Angelo]

Heheheh. Gotta say that did make me laugh. Good job my friend. I liked it.

[PostMentalFerocity]

Originally Posted by madammina

YEAH!! Go PMF!! I really liked it. It'll be interesting (and probably X rated) to see what Velnox and Larxene get up to.

Velnox: ... I'm damn proud of what happens this chapter. >:-D

Me: If this gets editted by fanfiction staff, then I'll just post links to the site I originally uploaded this to.

And, them all watching TV? I'm still cracking up about that. Although I did find Velnox's opening a little annoying and repetitive, but that's probably what you were going for.

Yeah, it was a last minute edit. I wanted him to be that one crazy guy. If you want to see Velnox, you can go to my deviant art. Click on the link:

http://thehappyemo.deviantart.com/art/Velnox-Reloaded-65702226

Anyway, here's chapter 2.

The Friends Game: Find the Nympho:

It’s two days later and Velnox has finally decided be social…


"So how exactly did you become nobody?" Zexion tossed me a soda from the fridge. He was interested in my story. Mainly for observational purposes, but something about him said "I’m actually trying to socialize."

"After gaining ultimate knowledge and power, I wondered what it would be like to have a nobody. It intrigued me to say the least. I wondered if having two minds separate from each other, but functioning as one, would give me some type of omnipotence or omniscient type dealie. Later, I found these reports saying that I could separate myself into more than one being. It didn’t hurt that I already had knowledge of nobodies. When I awoke in Twilight Town, I had memories of my other self. So I found my other, who was being pestered by slightly stronger heartless. After dispatching them, I put the weakling in a jar with holes in the top." I smiled. It was an honest to goodness smile. Secretly, I just wanted to disturb Zexion.

O.O’ Zexion looked at me like WTF? Being so apathetic all the time, I couldn’t tell if he was surprised that I did that, or surprised that I COULD do that. No doubt he didn’t know to do that. "Hmmm…" My creepily annoying smile faded to an annoyingly smug one.

I materialized a gun in my hand and readied to shoot. From nowhere, Larxene ran at me and jumped. I quickly pointed the gun right and shot. Sure enough, she poked her head out a portal and was shot in her shoulder.

"That’s got to be annoying." Zexion rolled his eyes at her pathetic attempt to assassinate me. I could swear that inside Zexion was rofl’ing. Something about Zexion was different from what I guessed about him.

"Well yesterday, she found me taking a shower, and decided to attack me." I opened a portal and screamed into it. Yeah, I knew she was there; probably waiting for another attempt on my life. "Personally I think she just wanted to see me naked." I added insult to injury.

Larxene flew back to the portal, and fell ass first on Demyx’s jacks. "OH ****!" She jumped up, slipped on a toy car, and landed on her back.

"Personally I think she just wanted to see me naked!" Someone said.

"What am I doing? I’m letting this newborn bother me? He’s freaking two days old as a nobody. I’m way more intelligent. So why is it he gets to me?" Larxene punched the endless ground. "He treats me like I’m nothing, less than nobody. I hate him. I want to abuse, degrade, downright embarrass, and enjoy his torment. Watch out little virgin boy, I’m coming for you." Velnox looks angrily at the writer from behind the fourth wall. Larxene was talking to herself. The blonde cackled malevolently.
A couple of hours later…

Feeling very proud of herself, Larxene walked past Luxord the P.I.M.P, P. Diddy, Axel, and Demyx who were playing strip go fish. Axel and Demyx were cheating and for once putting up a hellofa bluff. P.Diddy was still fully clothed; somehow, though I’m thankful. Luxord was down to a white t-shirt and his boxers. "What the hell?" He rubbed his chin. Axel and Demyx both lost their black cloaks in good sport. Well I should say bad sport because they were cheating.

"Hey Larxene, come play with us!" Demyx shouted from behind his distastefully over packed hand. How can Luxord not notice?

The blonde rolled her eyes. "Has anyone seen that loser Velnox?" She stared at Axel’s cards, and looked over to the right at Demyx.

"He should be back. He said that he had to finish something in his room." Axel’s facial expression didn’t change at all; neither did the tone in his voice. Larxene blinked twice watching the water bender’s hand.

"Demyx, got any two’s?" Luxord smiled at the blonde. Demyx looked at Axel, and Axel focused on his cards. "Go Fish." He smiled at Luxord. "I win." Luxord stood up. "You’ve been cheating, but I forgive you. Now drop em’, it’s embarrassing photo time." Luxord got out his camera.

Larxene grimaced. "Ya’ll are gay." Larxene opened a portal.


Larxene’s POV

I stood in his doorway wearing my custom made black dress that zips in the back. He tried to ignore me, but I made my presence known. "Velnox, I’m done. I realize you are too great to even compete with." I said in a delightfully sexy voice.

"I’m busy." He said in a cold overtone. "I don’t have time to play right now." He didn’t even look at me. Velnox flipped a page in his book. Was that a dirty magazine? I moved across his floor gracefully, and stopped behind him. "What?" He finally decided to look at me. He was surprised that my shoulder was hanging out.

"If you really must know, it’s been three years. Two since I became nobody and a year of celibacy as my other. Won’t you put me out of my misery?" I thought my acting was rather good. He seemed to enjoy it, but couldn’t let himself enjoy it. Every time I moved close, he’d move away. He moved over be his dresser. "C’mon Velnox. Let’s make non-existent music together" was what came out of my mouth. "I better get a good laugh out of this later" was what I was thinking.


Velnox’s POV

Larxene had started the day like regular; she wanted to kill me. Three years? I could NEVER go that long… Well my somebody could, but he’s not in this story. Writer looks angrily at Velnox from his side of the fourth wall. Just so you readers know; I planned this whole thing out. Larxene, as intelligent as she is, couldn’t figure out my plan. Nailing her would be one of my best notches. In fact, I think I’ll count her double as my other AND his girlfriend had a crush on her.

I moved over to the bed, pretending I was avoiding her. "What’s on your mind monkeybutt?" I saw the perfect opportunity. My box was still sitting beside my bed from yesterday. "Whoa!" I ‘tripped.’ She never saw it coming. (lol Kira face) Larxene climbed on top of me before I could get up. "Seriously, two years?" I nervously chuckled. She said three, but again I was acting, so it wasn’t a big thing.

"No, I said three." Larxene started kissing my neck while holding my arms. "Bingo, I’m in" I though as she worked her way to my chest.

WE MADE WHOOPEE!

XoXoXoXoXoX
Velnox: We made whoopee? I’d never say anything like that! FIX IT!
Me: Nah, it illustrates the point, without exposing too much for the younger readers. I AM going to put this on KHI after all.
Velnox: Change it, or I’ll kill you.
Me: Well I could edit the story and make you gay.
Velnox: I’ll be good :D
XoXoXoXoXoX

Feeling refreshed, I came downstairs a couple hours later, to find Luxord wearing boxers. Oddly enough, Demyx and Axel were naked. And for some reason or another, P. Diddy had on his trademark shirt, and FUBU underwear. I truthfully didn’t want to know. "Ya’ll are gay." I pointed at the naked couple.

"SHUT UP!" Axel shouted throwing a die at me from Kingdom Hearts knows where.
"Hey, where is Larxene, Velnox?" Demyx looked around to find her. I chuckled at what I did to her. Damn, I was proud of it.

"She’s asleep." I responded to the younger acting man. (Heh-heh heh-heh) I rubbed my nose, full of…what’s the word? Uh, I want to say zeal. His eyes welled up. "You killed her? OEZ NOEZ SHE’S TAKING THE DIRT NAP!" Axel slapped the naked blonde. We had all had enough.

"Velnox" Saix came into the room behind me from I’m guessing his room. "You are new, and might be ignorant to the rules. You were making a lot of noise, and it disturbed some other residents." He remained nonchalant as usual.

"If I don’t know better Saix, I’d think you were jealous." I crossed my arms. It didn’t matter, he’d seen through my front. It’s not that I was scared of him, I just was somewhat out of energy, and at that present moment he could have taken me out. Something told me I was going to have a problem with him in the future. No death threats...for now.

"You are right. You don’t know better. Jealousy is an emotio-" I stopped him.

"Spare me the whole ‘Nobodies have no emotions’ speech. I heard it all before." I jazzed hands to emphasize my lack of caring. "In any case, it wasn’t me who was making that noise; it was Larxene. If you’re looking for her, she’s sleeping on my bed." I chuckled again remembering the sadistic fun things that happened. Saix looked disgusted. He opened a portal, and left without saying a word.

"Aw, come on. You mean ALL of you have had that?" I felt dirty all of a sudden.

"It’s not that." A fully clothed Axel explained. "Apparently Larxene and Saix had something a long time ago." He picked up a card from the deck. "But no, none of us have. In fact she stabbed Demyx the other day." P.I.M.P. man also known as Luxord picked up three cards.

"I place this card and end my turn." Demyx showed me the stab wound on his arm. "The only person she ever talks to was Marluxia, who mysteriously disappeared around the time this guy appeared." Demyx placed 2 cards down and then pointer to P. Diddy.

"Voting’s sexy right?" He replied and flashed his bling.

I looked at him and said "yyyyeah" rolling my eyes. I then turned back to the hydromaniac and said "Hey Demyx, I may be new, but I’m stronger than most of you; so I’m taking your room and your number. I hereby demote you, Luxord, P. Diddy, and Larxene a number. And if you have a problem, kill me." I walked out of the room nonchalant.

"Can he do that?" Luxord and Demyx stared at each other.

"Actually, he has to challenge you. But since he has SOME sense of mercy, he let you live and demoted you. Overall I’d say you were lucky. He actually seems to be as equally matched to Xemnas and Saix." Axel turned two cards to the side long ways, and ended his turn. Luxord’s right eye twitched and P.Diddy just continued to do the Harlem Shake.

A/N: Guess what children’s card game they're playing. lol

No, I was not referring to the KHI member monkeybutt. I was referencing Home Alone 3.