Judgement [An Original Story By Ningacom]

[Ningacom]

Hello, and welcome to....

THIS!!!!!! WEW!!!!!!!!


lol, anyway. I started writing this about a year ago, but about half-way I gave into boredom and stopped working on it. But lately I've felt attracted to the idea again, so here I am!

I'd originally planned on getting through the 1st Act before posting this, but I wanted it to be my 1000th post so I said screw it. I also run through the 1st Act quickly, but that's just because it has nothing to do with the actual plot (plus I hate intros). The story doesn't really make sense at first, and it really won't until later.

Feel free to comment and critize, but remember this is my first fic, be gentle ^^

Without further ado, let us begin...

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Twilit Fate
An Original Work of Fiction By Ningacom


Prologue- A Word of Caution
“Hello. I’m not quite sure how you got your hands on this, and I apologize. This was meant for someone else, somebody special. But like most of my life, this too has been swept away from my control.”


“But that’s not important, or at least it isn’t anymore. What’s important is that I you must be warned. This is not a usual story. It does not have a strong, witty, handsome protagonist. One who knows what the words “Right” and “Wrong” mean. A dazzling hero who can conquer any obstacle to get what he wants. “
“It does not have what you would call a “Happy” ending. Hell, why don’t you tell me what “Ending” means? If you can do that… then put this book down. As I stated before, it wasn’t meant for you. If you think you understand the world around you, you’re an idiot.”
“ This story does not include princesses, magical spells, or talking animals. Well, it does, but it’s not that simple. The princesses in this story do not spend their days sitting in towers waiting to be rescued, or hang out with short people. The magic spells do not turn people into toads. And the talking animals don’t give advise…. Ever.”
“ There are no Good Guys or Bad Guys. That’s just not complicated enough for this tale. If you think you can label the actors in this insane play, you are still an idiot.


…

“That was to give you a chance to put this down, and preferably burn it. I thought calling you an idiot twice would have scared you away, but I guess you really are an idiot. Fine, I gave you a chance. And like me, you ignored that chance. So I give you mercy no longer.”

“Like most stories, this all starts with a girl. But, as you’ll soon find out, not all is as it seems. Oh, I haven’t introduced myself. My name is…”


Act 1



Ch.1 Ending’s Beginning

“Steven Contact?” Ms. Lennis called.
Ms. Lennis was known for having a voice box that sounded like a cat had patted and scratched at it for years, before growing bored of it and dropping it into the tiny woman.
“Mr. Contact, are you here?” she asked again, scanning the room for the hidden hand she was searching for. A lone boy, whose name will not be mentioned due to lack of importance, raised his hand.
“Ah! There you are Mr. Contact!” the teacher said, scribbling on the square of paper on her desk.
“Um… no.” the name-less boy stammered quietly, pointing behind him.
“The person behind me is Steve”.
The woman looked at the desk to which the student was indicating. In it sat someone who does have enough importance to be named. Steve Contact, 15 years old. The long, curly hair that sat upon his head gleaned, responding to the rays of sunlight that broke through the window. Below the damp hair was, you guessed it, a face. The face was surprisingly clear for a teenager’s, with only a few renegade blemishes. The semi crooked glasses that sat on his nose gleamed in the light, hiding the thoughtful blue eyes behind them. Those eyes were directed outside the one large window in the classroom, staring at the clouds past it.
“You are Mr. Contact?” Ms. Lennis asked again, a little louder this time.
Yet once again, Steve was too wrapped up in his own thoughts to hear him. No-name tapped Steve’s desk twice, finally attracting his attention.
“Hmm?” Steve said, still groggy from his daydreaming.
“Mr. Contact?” Ms. Lennis said, her patience growing thin.
“Yes, that’s me.” Steve said, pushing his glasses to the rim of his nose. At that long awaited response, Ms. Lennis smiled.
“Ah! Good, good. Now would you please stand in front of the class and introduce yourself?” she asked.
Steve stretched his arms, yawned lazily, and stood up at his full height of 5’11. He shuffled to the front of the classroom, hands in pockets, and faced the rest of his peers. He was wearing his usual type of clothing, purposely bleached jeans with accidentally bleached sweater. His shoes were simple tennis shoes, not a pair of those soft skateboarding shoes that everyone was wearing, with the price tag still attached. His socks were not only mismatched, gray and black, but also unusual colors.
“Steve Contact. 15.” Steve said after a period of silence, which was followed by more silence.
“And?” Lennis asked again, impatient again.
“And what?” Steve replied. The teacher stood up and faked a smile, she wasn’t very good with children (especially teens).
“Well… what are your hobbies?”
Steve stared at the ceiling for a few seconds, and after small amount of time he shrugged.
“I don’t know, can I sit down now?” Steve asked.
Lennis sighed, and waved him away. Steve sat back down and continued staring out the window, ignoring the other student’s introductions. He had attention only for the clouds, drifting by in endless bliss.
“How lucky the clouds are.” Steve thought enviously.

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It gets a little more intresting in the next chapter. Which I shall post when I get a little feedback on my writing (not on the story itself, since nothing has rlly happened >.<)

[Ningacom]

no responces, but that's fine ^^. I forgot the part of chapter 1 that is actually intresting, my apoligies. I'll just throw that part in now. Also, I know my spacing is wrong. But I'm copying this from a Word Document, and I don't have the patience to space all this again xD

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When that first tedious day over, Steve walked home. The sun was setting, as it was currently mid-fall. The discarded leaves lay scattered amongst the trees, occasionally waltzing around Steve’s feet. The suburban street Steve was walking down was bathed in sunlight, an ocean of orange and brown. He could have taken the bus, but there were reasons why Steve walked. The 1st reason was that Steve didn’t like buses, something about being locked inside a stuffy metal can didn’t cope with him. The 2nd reason was because for some reason the Jr. High kids felt the need to tell him what a loser he was.
“It’s good to know they’ll grow up and drive other losers to suicide.” he thought gravely. The final reason was that Steve liked walking in the sunset, it made him thoughtful. Of course, Steve was thoughtful most of the time anyway. Although, this usually caused his to forget very important things. Even today, he had forgotten his key at home, and he had no idea how he was going to get inside. Steve’s mother might be home, but her “work” tended to be unpredictable. Whilst in the middle of such thoughts, Steve passed by an old man he barely noticed. The thing that made Steve notice the man was his odd clothing. The elderly man wore a brown frock coat with dirty tails, although the coat itself was spotless. This coat was complimented with a pair of trousers and dress shoes, along with a clashing black and white tie. The man was sitting on a bench, staring into the sunset. In his hand he had a small wooden object which gleamed in reaction to the sunset. He looked like he was cut out from an old scrapbook from the 1870’s. As Steve walked by him silently, the man spoke.
“I love the sunset.” he whispered just loudly for Steve to hear clearly.
His voice was small and gentle, as if it hadn’t been used in years. For some reason, Steve knew he was being talked to. It wasn’t the fact that the man had said it just as he had walked by, or that there was no one else around. This could be written off as the man simply liked talking to himself. But Steve knew who he was talking to and despite himself, he responded.
“I like sunsets too.” he said, feeling ridiculous.
The old man smiled, and looked at Steve. His eyes were brown, and his gleaming as brightly as his bald head, which had been hidden by the shadows of the trees that shaded his spot.
“Well is that so? Small world eh?” the man said in that small tone of voice, chuckling as he said so.
Steve couldn’t help but laugh as well, even though it wasn’t really a funny statement.
“I guess so…” he replied, putting his hands in his pockets.
Suddenly the old man stood up, grabbing Steve’s hand.
“Oh well, he can’t hurt me.” It wasn’t an opinion, it was a fact. From the minute Steve saw this man, he knew the man couldn’t hurt him.
“Why am I so confident, old people can have weapons too.” Steve pondered. “And for that matter, why is this old dude grabbing me?”
The old man obviously didn’t think grabbing someone was odd, for he simply smiled as he placed the small wooden object he had been carrying in Steve’s hand. Steve looked down at his hand, and saw that the wooden object was a gavel. It was barely the size of his hand, perhaps as big as a small rat. It’s wood had an odd gleam to it, almost as if it were made of metal. And it didn’t feel like wood, it was rough cotton. Steve’s attention from the odd gavel was diverted by the old man, who had began whispering. Actually, it was more of a chant rather then a whisper, but it was too soft for Steve to hear. He strained his ears, and caught a few words.
“… Jury…..Accept….. Judge.” were the few parts he could make out.
“Well at least one thing is certain, this old guy is insane.” Steve thought sarcastically. The old man finished chanting, and looked up at Steve. But when Steve went to meet eyes with the elderly gentleman, he found his eyes were gone. In their place, a golden light shone from his eyes. Then an invisible hand punched Steve, driving him to the ground. The world pulsated once, and then again. His head started aching, and Steve was quite certain he had vomited. The old man was gone now, Steve was trapped alone in his own personal hell. He wanted to yell, to scream, to say anything. But his agony was silent, all he could do was prey for it to end. His right hand started burning, and the invisible hand knocked Steve in the head. He was starting to see spots now, his vision fading. And then, everything went silent.

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Okay, now THAT is the rest of chapter 1. Now, I expect a comment or two, so pllz feel free to state your opinions ^^

[Lectori Salutem]

That's very good, especially since it's you first fanfic! I'd love to read more!

[Cicero]

Hmm, yeah you said something about this in the Author's Corner, right?

I'll read it in a moment, as you said in your first post that I wouldn't understand it at first...I love that kind of stories. ^^

Btw, you really should try paragraph spacing...makes it look a bit better. =P

Edit: Read the first chapter, and read your note in your second post, so forget what I said abut spacing. xD

You write good, I love the way you describe things. Hardly saw any spelling or grammar mistakes too, so that's good. =) I won't read the second part right now, but I'll be sure to later on. ^^

Keep it up!

[Ningacom]

ty for the positive comments, I'll prolly have the next chapter posted tomarrow.

Also, just so you know how my process works, I've actually written the 2nd and 1/2 of the 3rd chapter already. I like to keep one chapter ahead of the ones I've posted. So when I finish the 3rd chapter (which leads into Act 2), I'll post Chapter 2 and so on.

And feel free to point out any and all spelling mistakes I make. I always forget to re-read my writing, and there are usually some problems due to me changing lines around.

[-Arcana-X-]

Very good. I like how you started your story with a Lemony-Snicket-Introduction.
When and where is this happening?

[Cicero]

Ok, I'll look out for it, Ningacom.

I read the second post too by now, pretty good, although a bit weird. As you said, I don't really get it yet. xD

[Ningacom]

Originally Posted by -Arcana-X-

Very good. I like how you started your story with a Lemony-Snicket-Introduction.

lol, I didn't notice that ;P. It's more or less for foreshadowing purposes, especially the 4th paragraph.

When and where is this happening?

*shrugs* idk. This 1st Act is just to give readers a sense of who Steve is. I don't really think of the setting simply because I want ppl to have the sense that his life is just starting. I guess I'll just let ya'll decide where he is. As for the time, it's a modern setting.

I read the second post too by now, pretty good, although a bit weird. As you said, I don't really get it yet. xD

lol, as it should be.

[Ningacom]

1/2 of the 2nd Chapter. I'd post the whole chapter, but i'd feel bad considering I haven't finished the the 3rd chapter yet =/

Ch.2 Blood

“He’s coming to, give him some air!”

“Oh dear, what happened to the boy?”

“This is nothing, the kid was freaking out earlier. Gripped that thing in his hand so hard, his hand started bleeding.”

“Oh fu-, is that Steve!?!”

Steve heard these slight comments, mere whispers among the pounding in his head, and groaned. Someone was shaking him.
“Hey kid, are you okay?” a voice asked.
Steve focused on that voice, and managed to open his eyes. A bright, red flash invaded his eyes and he closed them again.
“Light….” he uttered weakly.
Steve was unsure if the voice understood him, but regardless he felt the sensation of being lifted from the ground. The voice walked for a few more seconds, and then Steve was let down again. He tried again to open his eyes, this time to avail. He quickly scanned the small amount of area his eyes would let him see, he wasn’t quite ready to start moving his head yet. Steve had been carried into the passenger seat of a police car. It was night, and he could hear people whispering. Looking over, he saw a crowd of people being escorted to their homes by various policemen. Steve discovered the source of his earlier blinding, it was from a police siren accompanied with a contrasting blue light. Panic found it’s way into his thinking, had he been attacked? The voice who had carried himself revealed it’s face, looking at Steve with worry. It was a surprisingly young face, not fitting the rough and aged voice it belonged too. He had short, brown hair that was about a centimeter long, rising slightly at the ends. His eyes, which were a bright greenish color, shone from behind his worried features.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
Steve considered the question, how was he feeling? His throat was dry, like he had swallowed a bowl of sand, and his skin was caked in dirt and sweat. But this was nothing compared to the agony of his right hand. He looked toward said hand, and saw blood running down his arm. He let go of the gavel, which he had just noticed he had been gripping, and looked at his hand. Two large red cuts were visible, running diagonally across the face of Steve’s palm. The man had noticed the cuts as well.
“Wow, that’s one hell of a cut.” he exclaimed, rubbing it down with a wet towel he had retrieved from a nearby household.
It stung slightly, but Steve endured, wincing at the small pain. Once his hand was cleaned off, the man looked at Steve. Steve realized that the man had a police uniform, and asked the first question that came to mind.
“What happened to me?” he asked
“Well…. I was hoping you could tell me that.” the man said, scratching his neck uncomfortably.
“I was just patrolling the neighborhood, when I saw you in the middle of the street. Actually, to be more precise, I heard you.”
Steve tilted his head slightly to the left, confused.
“What do you mean, heard?” he asked
“See, you were screaming. And when I heard the noise I tracked it to you.” The man explained.
His face grew more serious.
“Do you remember what happened to you before you passed out?” he asked
Steve closed his eyes, trying to remember. He was walking home, it was in the afternoon. He had been walking….and then…. And then nothing.
Steve shook his head.
“I’m sorry, I can’t remember.” he said, truly sorry.
The man nodded his head slowly, as if he had been expecting this.
“Okay… do you need a ride home?” he asked.
Steve nodded his head, there was no way in hell he was getting home by himself. “I’m sorry about this, but I’m going to have to ask you to sit in the back, policy and all that.”
Steve nodded again, it was easier then talking at this point, and let himself be led into the backseat. Almost immediately after hitting the soft leather that covered the backseat, Steve fell into sleep.

Also, just a note I wanted to add. In this story, I revolve around the concept of "Looks are deceiving" . Just something to look out for ^^

[Lectori Salutem]

Nice. Not very exciting, but it makes yu wonder what will happen next.

[Cicero]

Once again, ningacom, I really like the way you write. In the first chapter I saw some grammar mistakes but in this second there were none. That was the only comment I had before so now its just...awesome. ^^

[Ningacom]

The rest of chapter 2. Sorry for the wait, but I couldn't decide how I wanted the 3rd chapter to end. But thanks to the amazing music of "The World Ends With You", I've been motivaed to continue. I'll hopefully finish Ch. 4 soon, and get 3 to ya'll.

Obviously this isn't very long, since it's 1/2 of the other chapter. Things get a little weirder ;P



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Steve was shaken awake, the 2nd time today, once the car got home. Steve looked out the window, and saw the familiar sight of his home. Although it was shrouded in darkness, Steve knew what it looked like. The house was a boring white. Actually, most of the house (the rooms, doors, etc.) were white. Steve hated the color white, but the landlords refused to let them paint the walls. Steve noticed his mother’s car was gone, but he had expected this. His mother was often called to “work” at various times of the day. Surprisingly, Steve found he could stand.
“I guess that nap helped…” he thought to himself.
The man who had driven him home stepped out of the car, and handed something to Steve.
“You almost forgot this.” he said, smiling for the first time.
It was the gavel Steve had been clutching before. The blood had been cleaned off, and it still had that gleaming quality to it. As he received the gavel, a slight chill went through Steve.

“Oh… I’m forgetting something as well!” the policeman exclaimed.
With his hand still touching Steve’s, he started chanting something.

“I, the 2nd member of Twilight’s Jury, hereby approve of the 1st’s candidate. The 2nd accepts the candidate as the Twilight Judge.”

These words were like stones to Steve, physically striking him. He clutched over on the ground, and his head began pounding again. Unlike last time, this specter of a person didn’t disappear like the old man had. He knelt over Steve’s agonized body, and somehow spoke louder then the drums in Steve’s head.

“This is almost over.” he said gently
“But soon it will be too late to turn back.” The man looked up now, seemingly ignorent to Steve’s pain.
“Tomorrow, something will appear on your route between your home and your school. If you wish to let this end, wish to keep your understanding of everything, take the bus.”
He now spoke in a deeper, more serious tone.
“If you want to see the truth… then ignore my warnings.”
The man reached for the gavel in Steve’s hand, and closed Steve’s fingers around it.



“You’re fate is far greater then you can imagine.”

[Sorrow]

Damn, this isn't that bad. But I didn't know you were allowed to post original stories here. I thought it was for fanfics only. Correct me if I'm wrong.

[Ningacom]

Originally Posted by Shadow Denizen

Damn, this isn't that bad. But I didn't know you were allowed to post original stories here. I thought it was for fanfics only. Correct me if I'm wrong.

There aren't any other places on the forums to post original stories, and other ppl do it.

Thnx for the comment, hope you continue to read ^^

[Sorrow]

Great, now I can post an original story. Expect it soon and I'll be expecting a new chapter from you as well.