Anomaly (work in progress)

[Gildragon]

I felt like writing something the other day and this following in the red tex is what followed. I should day that this speech takes place in the middle of the story (the biggining and end hasn't been written yet) basically this is a character talking to the hero of the story about the enemy he will be fighting. this is written in a SCI-FI style with some influences form videogames and scifi movies in it. don't be Afraid to ask a question. constructive criticism is appreciated. also if you like it tell me why so I can be sure that it stays in. I am not sure that this speech will stay this way. NOTE: character names haven't been decided yet.

The Beginning of it was not of a natrual course. Neither was it of intention or design. This new phenomenon defied the reason for it to exist. This could only be described as an anomaly. We cannot ask where it came from for, you see, science disproves its existence and therefore origin. This...thing, cannot consume, does not reproduce, does not waste. It cannot be a living thing, howeverm it also cannot be machine. It does not follow algorithms, transfer data or even take orders. And insert hero name here, it is important to state taht it soes not learn or remember things. It simply, well how can I say this, KNOWS. Even this is a mystery because we have not discovered a device, drive, or organ that could store such massive amounts of information.

Now Insert same hero name here you might wonder if it knows so much, how could we have destroyed this one? Well, we didn't. It just stopped working. If someone did create this I don't beleive it to be Insert creator name of my scifi universe...God equivalent. Could he have not realized that someone else could be coming up with an imperfection of system? There is no pattern in its operation so we cannot predict. It's structure does not have a pattern or path. I beleive this to be a conjugation of an anomaly when the "give over" takes place.

There you go. what do you think?

[Dawning Twilight]

Originally Posted by Gildragon

I felt like writing something the other day and this following in the red tex is what followed. I should day that this speech takes place in the middle of the story (the biggining and end hasn't been written yet) basically this is a character talking to the hero of the story about the enemy he will be fighting. this is written in a SCI-FI style with some influences form videogames and scifi movies in it. don't be Afraid to ask a question. constructive criticism is appreciated. also if you like it tell me why so I can be sure that it stays in. I am not sure that this speech will stay this way. NOTE: character names haven't been decided yet.

The Beginning of it was not of a natrual course. Neither was it of intention or design. This new phenomenon defied the reason for it to exist. This could only be described as an anomaly. We cannot ask where it came from for, you see, science disproves its existence and therefore origin. This...thing, cannot consume, does not reproduce, does not waste. It cannot be a living thing, howeverm it also cannot be machine. It does not follow algorithms, transfer data or even take orders. And insert hero name here, it is important to state taht it soes not learn or remember things. It simply, well how can I say this, KNOWS. Even this is a mystery because we have not discovered a device, drive, or organ that could store such massive amounts of information.

Now Insert same hero name here you might wonder if it knows so much, how could we have destroyed this one? Well, we didn't. It just stopped working. If someone did create this I don't beleive it to be Insert creator name of my scifi universe...God equivalent. Could he have not realized that someone else could be coming up with an imperfection of system? There is no pattern in its operation so we cannot predict. It's structure does not have a pattern or path. I beleive this to be a conjugation of an anomaly when the "give over" takes place.

There you go. what do you think?

This...thing, cannot consume, does not reproduce, does not waste.
^that sentence confused me a bit. should it not be more like:
This...thing, cannot consume, nor does it reproduce, or waste.
Just a thought.

you have a lot of spelling errors as well. work on those.


these three sentences also confused me.
Could he have not realized that someone else could be coming up with an imperfection of system? There is no pattern in its operation so we cannot predict. It's structure does not have a pattern or path.
allow me to make my suggestion again.
Could he have not realized that someone else could be coming up, with such an imperfect system?It's structure does not follow any single pattern, nor any direct path and so thus its operations are exceedingly beyond what we can hope to predict.



anyways had i more time i'd do more but well i don't. so i hope i helped a little. i can't go into specifics but over all gets a 8.4/10

[Gildragon]

Originally Posted by Dawning Twilight

This...thing, cannot consume, does not reproduce, does not waste.
^that sentence confused me a bit. should it not be more like:
This...thing, cannot consume, nor does it reproduce, or waste.
Just a thought.

That makes sense.

Could he have not realized that someone else could be coming up with an imperfection of system? There is no pattern in its operation so we cannot predict. It's structure does not have a pattern or path.
allow me to make my suggestion again.
Could he have not realized that someone else could be coming up, with such an imperfect system?

No that wouldn't work. I may need to type more but what it is supposed to convery is that someone tampered with (creators name) system. not that the system is imperfect, but that an unnoticed imperfection somewhere in the system exists in the orignal creation of this being. It woudl be like you see an apple it looks fine but somewhere on the inside it is spoiled. (you of course dont' knwo this until you get to the center of the apple)

It's structure does not follow any single patten nor any direct path and so thus its operations are exceedingly beyond what we can hope to predict.]

That makes that sentence better

[Dawning Twilight]

yeah i tend to go overboard Lol. well i'm glad i could help you even if it was just a little. ^^:;;

[Gildragon]

Originally Posted by Dawning Twilight

yeah i tend to go overboard Lol. well i'm glad i could help you even if it was just a little. ^^:;;

you didn't go overboard. I haven't finished it yet so you can't understand everything

[Relentless Blitz]

this "phenomenon" well, if the thing is not a living being nor is it a machine or device then what is it?and the imperfection of it's creation,it is yet to be seen?"give over"what does that mean?and this is only a part of the story right?i'll be looking forward to seeing your sci fi.

[Gildragon]

Originally Posted by mon

this "phenomenon" well, if the thing is not a living being nor is it a machine or device then what is it?and the imperfection of it's creation,it is yet to be seen?"give over"what does that mean?and this is only a part of the story right?i'll be looking forward to seeing your sci fi.

the thing is not like a body. it is what is left after the Give over takes place (give over is not decided but is probably death.

People have seen it. Basically think of it this way (like a what if statement) Satan puts an inperfection in created beings at some point that when they die ceritain elements that did not decompose form a mass that funtions. No 2 things look the same

[nojerom_14]

I like it. Of course you need to edit some, I think you noticed that already. But it's intriguing, even if it's not the beginning. I'd like to see it grow.

[All-Star Gamer]

So is it sorta like Mad lib? points for originality.

[Gildragon]

Umm I am not sure what you are talking about. Basically I was awake one night and jus started writing without thinking. That is what came out

[nojerom_14]

Well, keep going, Gil, I want to see where this is going, dude.

[Gildragon]

I want to write this saturday. I will probably put it on paper first

[nojerom_14]

Good idea. Build some strong ideas, get background. ^^

[Gildragon]

yeah basically what I was doing with this is defining my enemy so I could work the story around it. but it will have a major hero character and true enemy. And secrets will be revealed. and Who knows for comic relief Daniel Craig may make an appearance

[All-Star Gamer]

Mad Libs - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

It reminds me a lot of mad lib.