Nice Guy Syndrome

[stephaknee]

I don't think the nice guys that the article and wiki page refer to consciously fake being nice to get into someone's pants. I have encountered this first hand; nice guys feel like they deserve the girl simply for being nice and then blame her when she is not interested and end the friendship. Someone that I thought was a very close friend essentially called me a whore because I started dating his friend and it irritates me to no end.

And the distinction between "jerks" and "nice people" isn't so black and white. Jerks are often very charming. It's not like men are being emotionally abusive to these women on the first date; it is something that slowly creeps in on you. And abusive relationships are /very/ hard to get out of. Yes, girls in those situations do complain to friends, guys and girls, about how awful their boyfriend is. But ending the relationship is often not an option. This does not make anyone a slut, stupid, a bitch, a cunt. It makes them vulnerable.

[kazukifafner]

I can kind of agree with his article to a certain extent, I suppose.

I imagine that there are "nice guys" who are exactly as he describes.

However, it seems to me that he uses generalizations to describe what "nice guys" want just as often as he says that said "nice guys" use generalizations to describe what women want.

Hell, he even goes so far as to imply that the entire motive for the guy to be "nice" is so that she will reward him with sex; which says, to me at least, that he thinks that sex is all that men think about. It's like he goes out of his way to defend women (who almost seem to be made out to be victims of some grand emotional ploy) when "nice guys" could be defended in largely similar ways.

But who knows, this could just be me being defensive, since I also view myself as a "nice guy." However, I guarantee that I don't act nice simply so that I can snag some pussy. I act nice because I think that's, in general, a really good way to treat people; and because I value emotional intimacy more than physical intimacy.

Yes, there are a select few guys out there who actually value the emotional more than the physical :P

[SHAWTYS #1 FAN]

Guys, do you see yourself as "the nice guy?"

Hahahahahahahahahahahaha
.

[Ophan]

The Nice Guy Syndrome....lol

At one point in my teenage life i had that very self centered thought that because i did something nice, i deserved something in return, though necessarily it had nothing to do with nabbing pussy. Later in my life i just mellowed out and came to reality that i'm generally nice when in physical (face to face) contact with people, but not so much when it comes to my thoughts. Like an actual human being i've made advances for sexual favors, i've had dirty thoughts, and i've flirted just to flirt and nothing more. I've turned down women who may have been perfect for me, and have fawned over women that i perceived as sexy, and would have never shown to my mother. That's not to say that i don't have a side to me that wants a real relationship, as i have in fact gone the romantic route not looking for anything entirely sexual, but seeking something or someone that would make me happy in the long term...and this is me being brutally honest. I purely accept the ugly, alongside the beautiful, and the bad among the good, and i've yet to meet anyone who perfectly eclipsed one side over the other even if they say they do.

In return, i've received the same bullshit attitudes (that i too may have given) from women whereas they didn't want a relationship, chose a complete douche over me, or they flirted just to flirt, etc. etc. And quite honestly i'm perfectly fine with it. Not that sometimes it doesn't make me sad, but again i've come to terms with the reality of the world.

If you feel like you're a nice guy (which you might as well just drop that title) just understand that it's possible to get diddlyed over even for people who aren't so nice. Shit happens and later on you learn to deal with it.

[aldrain]

I tend to fall into the "nice guy" catagory. But it isn't as glorious as it would seem. Nice guys get a) left overs from thier friends (gross) or b) crazy chicks who shouldn't be allowed to think about a guy. I feel as if I am a step above nice. MOre gentlemanly at times, but I occasionally feel as if I am just a "nice boy". Vs, a "nice guy"

[Trag]

Though these days I don't see myself as a "nice guy", or as someone who cares enough about sex to be overly nice to women versus men, I think that I probably was at one time. You learn things the hard way, and the fact is, women can be cunts just as men can be douchebags, and there's no use getting upset over that, because there's a lot of people who aren't even worth talking to in life and being kind helps weed them out. I know a lot of guys who act nice to get into girls pants, and the way sexuality drives people is fascinating, but there are plenty of "nice" girls as there are guys, so watch the kupo out for them! There's a good buddy of mine that doesn't act like himself infront of women at all, he is a much different, "kinder" person, and his own girlfriend doesn't know him that well. People are scary.

[Zero Sora]

I'm a nice guy. But I'm not that kind of nice guy. I'm nice to my female friends, all of them, and I don't expect sex in return, or a relationship. Hence why I disagree with this.

I've also been in THE nice guy situation where I liked a girl and I was super nice to her, but I still wasn't expecting sex in return. He went out with someone else after I told her of my feelings and I'm still nice to her. Granted we don't see each other as much as we did, but when we hang out we still act the same way. No resentment or hate.

[Mynny]

I find myself attracted to nice guys. Even if they're not assertive, that's kind of part of what makes them cute. It'd be nice to have a guy who is assertive or aggressive that can stick up for you or protect you. But in my case, I can be that way if I need to, and I would also like to avoid conflict if necessary.

I don't like super douchebags, but I'll admit I've liked a guy who was quite the sarcastic smartass. But I have these types of guys as friends, and they make awesome friends, but I think if I dated them I would get my feelings hurt way too easily.

The only thing that would make me avoid a nice guy is not knowing if he really is nice. There are some guys who pretend, and it doesn't help that I'm overly suspicious of people. But otherwise, they're my type.

[umazak]

I'd like to classify myself as a "nice guy", but I leave that to others. But then again, most of the people I do stuff for typically don't remember me by the time the day ends. I'm a bit too random to leave lasting impressions. But anyways, to me a true "nice guy" is someone that would do something for others even if they don't know them. I mean, these days not many people will get out of their cars and walk through a busy intersection to help someone push their car out of the way, pick up some things that have dropped while moving or some other shit like that. A "nice guy" shouldn't expect any type of reward, but a "Thank you" is always nice to hear. But with that said, it's always best to know where you stand. It's not really the best idea to give a crying stranger a hug. At most, I'd just go up to them and try to cheer them up with my words.

I didn't read the articles, and I probably won't. I'm just giving my honest opinion about what a "nice guy" is.

[HadesDragon]

I didn't read the articles, and I probably won't. I'm just giving my honest opinion about what a "nice guy" is.

the point of the thread is to discuss the definition of a "nice guy" in a relationship context, your post doesn't have much to do with it

[xCursedXRebellionx]

im not a nice guy, im a mysterious person, with a lot to offer, i have a job, a few friends,a nd a lot of booze in my casa haha, so come on over! ill hang out with anybody, unless u ugly : D

[stephaknee]

the point of the thread is to discuss the definition of a "nice guy" in a relationship context, your post doesn't have much to do with it

Exactly. A few people have missed the point of the thread.

[KHProdigy1]

At least the man that can be labeled as a jerk, can be considered a competent individual in some cases. Some arrogant fools can be quiet intellectuals as much as "nice [introverted] guys".

[Zul]

I don't think the nice guys that the article and wiki page refer to consciously fake being nice to get into someone's pants.

Hmm, I explained that incorrectly(was sleepy).

I'm not saying that these people are intentionally "pretending" to be nice, just that they seem to misunderstand what qualities actually make a decent person.

Expecting someone to 'owe' you a romantic relationship for acts of friendship is not nice, its an unrealistic expectation. Reading up a bit, crankymuse's post puts it in better words.

[crankymuse]

I didn't read the articles, and I probably won't. I'm just giving my honest opinion about what a "nice guy" is.

For reference:

Nice guy is a term in the general public discourse and in popular culture describing an adult or teenage male with friendly yet unassertive personality traits in the context of a relationship with a woman. A typical nice guy believes in putting the needs of others before his own, avoids confrontations, does favors, gives emotional support, and generally acts nicely towards women.

And then there's the alternate viewpoint on it:

The terms Nice Guy and nice guy syndrome are used in feminist circles to describe men who view themselves as prototypical "nice guys," but whose "nice deeds" are in reality only motivated by manipulating women into a relationship and/or sex.


In early 2002, the website Heartless Bitches International (HBI), which "employs irony as a strategy to offer humorous explorations of contemporary gender relations" published several short essays (which they labelled "rants") on the concept of the Nice Guy™. Central to the theme of these essays is that a genuinely nice male is desirable, but that many Nice Guys™ are insecure men unwilling to articulate their romantic or sexual feelings directly. Instead they choose present themselves as their paramour's "friend", and hang around doing nice things for her in hopes that she will telepathically pick up on their desire for her. When she inevitably fails to divine their secret feelings, Nice Guys™ become embittered and blame her for "taking advantage" of them and their "niceness". The essays are particularly critical of what HBI sees as hypocrisy and manipulation on the part of self-professed Nice Guys™.

Remember, there's a difference between a Nice Guy and a nice person. :/