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Thread: Topiate.

  1. #1
    Audo
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    Default Topiate.


    TOPIATE.

    Their strained breaths crystallized in the air, turning into nothing but small clouds of smoke before diffusing across the room. Their skin was red and worn around their ankles and their wrists. Cut, bloody, and raw. They held onto the person beside them by their finger tips, their eyes shutting from the pain, from the suffering, as they tried to hold on the best they could.

    The colour of their skin was varied; Caucasian, African-American, Asian, Hispanic, Latino, East-Indian. The colour didn’t differentiate them from one another, they were united. They were together, for this moment. They needed to be strong.

    A light, blazing hot, shone down upon them. Droplets of sweat began to form, cascading down their face, hitting the stone below. In front of them, in the darkness that still remained in the other half of the room, they could see them. Eight masks of pure white, the dark forming their eyes and lips, and bodies. They stared down at the chained beings in front of them, bleeding and sweating while the light blazed on.

    The masked beings in front of them, the eight turned to look at a large window that broke its place into the cold stone wall. Behind it, a group of people sat. Every day, normal people. Some of them had rings upon their fingers, tight like the choices they made. Some bore crucifixes around their necks, pressing lightly against their skin. Some of them held neither of the two. They, like the people they saw below them - bleeding and damaged - came in various colours, and ages.

    In front of each of them - the people behind the glass - were two buttons. They both were emblazoned with an ‘x’, but the scripture written below each button was opposite of the other. The Eight looked at the people behind the glass, their cold stares running into each and every one of them, demanding a choice to be made - a button to be pressed.

    The chained beings, they look at the glass pleadingly. Their eyes sunken behind black-and-blue skin, they ask for something - for help, for support - anything to relieve the pain. Upon this look, this look of desperation bleeding out of the chained beings and crawling pleadingly in front of the glass, one of their faces contorts into disgust, and pressed down hard on the right button.

    One of the Eight turned to the chained prisoners, and, upon stepping closer to the light, a knife was seen in its hand. The masked being crooked its head, looking at one of the weak below it with a cold face. It stepped closer and closer, the knife angled in front of it. The chained being whimpered as one of the Eight pressed the knife against the other’s skin, running the blade from their neck to their navel. Blood escaped from the cut like roses, blossoming as it seeped from its confinement.

    The masked being had chosen the one on the end of the chain, watching as it coughed and shook as the blood continued to fall and drip, staining the stone beneath them. Pretty soon, the prisoner would join those like it; their corpses lining the stone walls around them. It was just a matter of time.

    Behind the glass, a choice-maker held their hand to their eyes, shielding themselves from the acts below. But, even as they tried to hide themselves from the reality of what their decision would do, they pressed the right button anyways; their hand snapping back to thumb the crucifix at their neck.

    One of the Eight nodded slightly, and proceeded in making its way to the next prisoner in line. They bent down to the damaged, their white mask reflecting the all-too-real image back at them. Black gloves opened the mouth of the broken hope, grabbing its tongue in one hand. The masked being raised its knife, the serrated edges glistening in the light above, and slowly sawed off the prisoner’s tongue. They tossed the tongue aside, it making a sickening thud as they watched the prisoner begin to cough blood.

    One by one the prisoners began to slowly die off, as the right button continued to be pressed. The choice-makers; the decision-handlers; the people behind the glass held no real mercy for those below them - the ones suffering and dying ever still. Some of them believed they were above them, that they were more important; that those on the other side of the glass were worthless. Some of them, believed differently, but still didn’t want to see them as true equal.

    It wasn’t until the prisoners’ blood had spread across the floor, showing the truth of each of their deaths, did The Eight turn to look at the people behind the glass once more. They nodded slightly, and, as if talking in unison, finally spoke.

    “You made the right choice, welcome to your utopia.”

  2. #2
    Ren
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    Default Re: Topiate.

    My boy, you make me proud.

    The lack of gender is pretty powerful.

  3. #3
    Bronze Member
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    Default Re: Topiate.

    I saw what you did there.

    A bit extreme for my tastes, but you got the point across. The morbidness of it all was a great way to show the situation in an artistic light, which made it far more interesting to read, and almost gave it a whimsical feel.

    Me likey. <3

  4. #4
    Notorious White Mage Captainess madammina's Avatar
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    Default Re: Topiate.

    Very confuzzled....

    'Course. Being confused in an Audo story means a good story is coming up!

    I have to say though, I got lost with what was happening to who though.

  5. #5
    Audo
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    Default Re: Topiate.

    It's about Prop 8, if that clears anything up. o.o

  6. #6
    Notorious White Mage Captainess madammina's Avatar
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    Default Re: Topiate.

    No, not really. I know what Prop 8 is, but I don't see the connection....

    I'll wait. I'm sure it will become clearer in time.

  7. #7
    Audo
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    Default Re: Topiate.

    Quote Originally Posted by madammina View Post
    No, not really. I know what Prop 8 is, but I don't see the connection....

    I'll wait. I'm sure it will become clearer in time.
    The Eight = Prop 8
    The Chained People = Homosexuals.
    The People Behind the Glass = People who voted Yes.
    Right Button = Yes.
    Left Button = No.

    As clear as it can ever get >.<

  8. #8
    Notorious White Mage Captainess madammina's Avatar
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    Default Re: Topiate.

    ah. thanks

  9. #9
    Now comes with 50% more bullshit Zero Sora's Avatar
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    Default Re: Topiate.

    Wow, another story? Pretty soon this entire section will just be your stories R-K. This story is pretty dark to say the least. But the connection to prop 8 isn't very easy to see a first. What does the murder of the "homosexuals" in you story represent? I think that's the reason why it's hard to see a connection. But a good story none the less. Moar plz.

  10. #10
    Audo
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    Default Re: Topiate.

    Quote Originally Posted by Zero Sora View Post
    But the connection to prop 8 isn't very easy to see a first.
    I'm glad.

    What does the murder of the "homosexuals" in you story represent?
    If you know what Prop 8 is, I don't imagine that it can be that hard to guess. Either way, it can be interpreted in a number of ways.

  11. #11
    Visionary Cicero's Avatar
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    Default Re: Topiate.

    I have no idea what Prop 8 is, and I didn't get the fact that they were homosexuals out of the story, but nonetheless it is a nice piece. I wasn't really into reading at all and just got attracted by the title, but it kept me after the first sentence, and that is a good thing.

  12. #12
    Audo
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    Default Re: Topiate.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cicero View Post
    I have no idea what Prop 8 is
    A Proposition that was passed that amends California's Constitution to ban gay marriage.

    I didn't get the fact that they were homosexuals out of the story
    You're not really supposed to unless you can tell that it is about Prop 8

  13. #13
    Visionary Cicero's Avatar
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    Default Re: Topiate.

    Quote Originally Posted by Audo View Post
    A Proposition that was passed that amends California's Constitution to ban gay marriage.


    You're not really supposed to unless you can tell that it is about Prop 8
    Lol, so all the questions about it kind off killed the mystery by now. =P

  14. #14
    KHI Site Staff
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    Default Re: Topiate.

    Dude ur a genious, and im sadly an amuture :(

  15. #15
    Charlie
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    Default Re: Topiate.

    Oh my, oh my.
    My first visit to this section under its new name, and this is the lovely story that I come across =]

    When I first saw the mask up there, I had this sinking feeling that this would either be extremely exaggerated and forced, or would take on a serious tone and would actually be well written. Well, in sync to your button-input here; My lasting impression of this story falls to the one on the right.

    *I enjoyed the fact that, as mentioned before - that this prologue to what's ahead is carefully written with a serious topic that doesn't discuss gender immediately. You've left a bit of an enigma here along these lines. In that sense, I also enjoy that your choice to leave everything to the imagination can easily be misleading - I love it.

    *Another aspect that I enjoyed was how you managed to intertwine the sensation of physical pain with metaphors that create the theme for your story /hopelessness/sorrow/hatred, etc. Since you've managed to do that, your final result comes off as truly intense because you've basically told your audience that you won't be holding anything back ;]

    Critique wise; truthfully, I couldn't find anything that seemed amiss.
    But, I do encourage you to avoid listening to concerns that you're making anything too serious, or too forward in nature. That's the only thing that stagnates progress; Be as bold with this story as you can.

    I'll come back every so often to see how you've progressed.
    I thank you for the pleasure of reading this <3


    ~B

 

 
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