a contrast of heart.

[Riel]

i walked down the street the other day.

the one where i first held your hand, where i gave you that first hug. the one where you held me close for that one second, looked at me, and told me that you hated me. do you remember? that night, we were practically inseperable. you held my hand as i held yours, clutching white knuckles in pitch black bus seats. we walked in step, laughing about nothing and everything at the same time.

the streetlights look the same, did you know that? they cast the same kind of soft amber glow against the ground, making the blacktop appear to be more of a light grey, and making the grass seem even darker than it truly is. the trees sway in the wind in the same way, the leaves are turning orange and falling to the ground like they always do. i still feel a little bit of trepidation as i turn on to my lawn, and my heart feels heavy when i step foot on my porch.

i don't know what i felt as i was walking down that street. on the one hand, i was feeling very nostalgic, but on the other there was something...more. not the same that it used to be; my heart wasn't leaping free from my rib cage, my tongue didn't move of its own volition, and my hands didn't twitch to wrap around shoulders that aren't mine to touch anymore. i was able to think of that night without feeling a lump in my throat, without feeling the tears well up in my eyes.

i think, maybe, i've finally moved on. i don't want your heart anymore, and i no longer what you to have mine. but those memories, of nights spent talking until it was morning and mornings where i would surprise you and make you breakfast, of tears the size of oceans and smiles that lit up the sky: i will never forget them. in time, i will cherish them as a reminder of my first love, the first person that i truly gave myself to.

but for now, i think i'm okay with just being able to think of you without crying.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Yeah, that's how I roll.

[Annoyance]

Something seems off with this but I can't really say what. Like something's missing. Sorry I'm of no help pointing it out.

I enjoyed it though. It's a good "got over you" story that isn't all "YEAH, WELL I'M AWESOME NOW. you suck."

[Riel]

I didn't say why I felt that way about getting to my house. I think that may be what it is.