First Short Story CnC it

[Vossler]

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[Riel]

Ignore any grammar errors. I just write to write. Here is the story.

See, now I'm not going to even bother reading the story. While I accept that you may have some idea in your head, or a message you want to convey, the main crutch of writing is found within your syntax, your choice of words, your vocabulary. Poor grammar simply convolutes and can destroy whatever it is that you have written.

Main point: don't tell people to ignore any mistakes that you make. Take them as they come, fix them, and move on from there.

[Audo]

There's a lot of generic in there.

[pwninator]

Interesting, almost stream of conciousness like. I'd like to see some of your other work.

[The Lionheart]

A lot of writers main problem is their grammar.

So asking someone to ignore it almost defeats the purpose of critique.

[DJQuackQuack]

Its ok. I can see the darkness and the thought process of the person contemplating suicide, and the way it ended simple but still closed the story. Not bad.

[Audo]

There is absolutely no point in making the entire thing in dialogue quotations.
In fact, it doesn't even make sense if it is all meant to be dialogue because that would imply he is talking to someone about this, and how can he talk to someone about this if he jumps off the cliff?

Get rid of the quotation marks.

[Vossler]

Originally Posted by bitteraudo

There is absolutely no point in making the entire thing in dialogue quotations.
In fact, it doesn't even make sense if it is all meant to be dialogue because that would imply he is talking to someone about this, and how can he talk to someone about this if he jumps off the cliff?

Get rid of the quotation marks.

He is talking to himself, in a way. I don't really know myself that is just how I write.

[Audo]

Well, unless he's talking out loud to himself, you don't need quotation marks.

[Vossler]

Originally Posted by bitteraudo

Well, unless he's talking out loud to himself, you don't need quotation marks.

I got rid of them, now cnc the storyline if that is possible.

[Azrael]

It's a generic idea but it feels like I'm reading someone's thoughts and hey doesn't need to be specific and what not. I like this, it's a first piece of a kind from you and it's good. It's not the best but it's good.

B plus.

[Audo]

Originally Posted by Vossler

I got rid of them, now cnc the storyline if that is possible.

I did. I said it was generic. Nothing special or original about it. Rather cliché and it doesn't help that the entire thing is riddled with horrendous grammar issues either.

I can't help but wonder why people always seem to use suicide as a "go to" when writing their first short stories. Suicide doesn't make a story edgy, all it really does is make it rather trite.

[Vossler]

Originally Posted by Azrael

It's a generic idea but it feels like I'm reading someone's thoughts and hey doesn't need to be specific and what not. I like this, it's a first piece of a kind from you and it's good. It's not the best but it's good.

B plus.

I know this sounds sad, but nobody make an issue out of it, but is my actual thoughts and feelings.

[Azrael]

Originally Posted by Vossler

I know this sounds sad, but nobody make an issue out of it, but is my actual thoughts and feelings.

Oh shit. Well...kudos on being truthful on the internet but it's a good job.

[Vossler]

Originally Posted by Azrael

Oh shit. Well...kudos on being truthful on the internet but it's a good job.

Yeah lol got to express somewhere.