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| | #1 |
| Twlight Warrior: Silent Fencer Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: A path in which no options are left for me but to move forward Age: 17 Posts: 1,509
Rep Power: 4 ![]() Level: 15 EXP: | Current Update(11/19/09): Chapter six up will have edits to the Character updates around tomorrow hopefully. Wells I hope you like this idea of mine I just one day got bored and decided to right up a small tall and to my amazement it turned out into something bigger a story with many twists and turns hope you like and comment on it. Table of Contents(So far) Small introduction: Page 1, post 1 Current Character Updates: Page 1, post 1 ............................................ Chapter 1(Introductions): Page 1, post 1 Chapter 2(Rivals): Page 1, post 3 Chapter 3(True Agony): Page 1, post 6 Chapter 4(The Four Swords Horizane): Page 2, post 22 Chapter 5(Journeys Beginning): Page 2, post 26 Chapter 6(The Archer and the Crystal Bearer): Page 2, post 32 ............................................. Rising Tales: Stars of Destiny Chapter 1: Introductions "Take this and that....and wow." Two of the youngest children of Refner village located in the kingdom of Altein had decided to take up a sword fight against one another. Though time and time again the elders of the village had told them to stop acting like warriors all the children just would never stop. It was not a bad thing it really was there parents wished they would take things a little more seriously. "Ha, ha are you ok, Talen?" Mark asked as his best friend got back up from tripping on an unseen root. "Aye just didn’t see it coming, I almost won to," Talen said as he shifted his short red hair out of his face. Looking up at his friend filled with embarrassment over the small accident. "Well maybe next time come on I hear your brothers finally getting back today from the market place with the other grown ups," Mark said starting to run back towards the village. Putting the fake swords back with the other carved weapons they hid, Talen realized that Mark was starting to get farther and farther away. "Hey wait up," Talen called back running after Mark. The two boys were both about ten years old. They were not brothers but did come from respected families well as respected as a farmers family could be. Though in the village of Refner, farmers were pretty much the population besides some of the current small shops that were there. As Mark and Talen finally got to the roadway Talen decided to bring up some chat. "So does your sister still have a crush on Stras," Talen asked as he pulled on Marks black long hair. "Ouch quiet pulling, aye a crush to beat him in armed combat anyways, as you know Mindy just feels like she needs to excel in all form of combat hand to hand, spell casting, armed combat...” Mark could go on forever but Talen cut him short. "Ya, ya, ya my brothers the best around here with spell and blade your sis only has hand to hand combat and talking people to death about her amazing skills," Talen joked as Mark grinned. "Ya Mindy’s good with that physical arts stuff, but Stras does have her at blade and magic mom said she would be honored to have Stras as her son in law so Mindy wouldn’t stay to that life style," Mark said as a crowd started to form around the entrance way. "Talen there you are, I was wondering where you ran off to," Mrs. Silnda said as she ruffled her sons hair, her real name was Lora but Talen knew better than to call his mom by her name. "Hey mom, high Mrs. Krola," Talen said waving at Marks mom. Sadly she couldn’t speak but sign language a hello at Talen. The children thought the sign language that Mrs. Krola or better known as Gwen learned was amazing, and did there best to learn it. Gwen found it heart warming and did her best to teach them. "There they are," Mark yelled as he pointed past the brim stone sign that lead up the only road out of Refner. After a few seconds a wagon could be seen accompanied by some of the farmers of the village. As they entered, Talen and Lora immediately started to look around for Stras and Mr.Silnda. That was until a voice popped right behind them. "Hello waiting for someone?" Talen nearly jumped as Mrs. Silnda turned around to see her son and husband. "Hey mom" Stras said hugging his mother as his father picked up Talen. "What did you get dad some magic spells, new armor for Stras, powerful weapons, or one of those anima things?" Talen ask excited to know. "Nay and you know Stras won’t have anything to do with any anima,” Steven said to his son as he pulled his wagon into the barn. "Why not I hear there are many amazing things you could do with an anima," Talen said wild eyed thinking about summoning untold creatures. "It’s not a bad thing to have back up," he added looking at his brother. "Nay that’s not what bothers me Talen it’s just that I don’t do well with summons. Its not the same as spell casting it takes a lot of focus to control those things," Stras said as he opened the door for his mother who was carrying the nights meal. "So what where you up to today playing knights again," Stras joked as his father decided to tell the rest of the family. "Speaking of knights guess what, the Holy Knights guild wants to recruit Stras," Steven said proudly. His wife however didn’t really give a good response to the subject "Those crazy bunch, I don’t like that leader of theirs, she’s a strange one and in reality there more of a religious group if you ask me then a knights guild" Lora said as she got some fruit out for everyone. "What did you say to them Stras?" Talen asked as he went to grab a bigger seat to reach the table. Stras however didn’t answer he was looking out the window his rose red hair moving with the wind as his work cloths also moved back and forth. Stras was about fifteen years old and six foot tall, unlike his younger brother who had finally reached four foot. "I said I would have to think about it," Stras then turned around and started to eat the food his mother placed down for him. "It sounds like the Kingdom of Altein is having issues with some Demor clan or something, there’s been fighting lately in the market place I don’t think we will be going back for awhile," Steven said as he took a seat and started to doze of. However as every one else got comfortable Lora simple looked at the window as if expecting something to come and get her. ................................................................................................................. "Your will shall be done my master...yes we have been informed that the royal unit shall leave two nights from now I suggest we strike at night on the second day when they least expect it," The man bowing was covered in a strange blue armor, it seemed to curve at ever joint and had spikes protruding on the knees and hands. A giant axe could be seen attached to the back looking some what like a devils axe but completely tan brown colored. Out of the corner a woman dressed in white cloths with tinted gold straps on the edges bowed down near the man. "If I may Master why let Iochu have all the fun we other seven lords would like some of the action," the woman said in a rash but careful voice. "Because Altein is only a small kingdom and should fall very easy, no reason to send more then one lord especially with most of them busy," A voice said its gender complete unknown do to the echo’s it made. In fact the area the two figures were bowing on was completely black no sign at all of a floor or even a wall. "Be patient Luna everyone gets a turn," Iochu said as he stood up and started to walk away. "Of course Iochu Blood Axe we are the Demonata clan, everything’s spread out evenly its only fair," Luna simple claimed disappearing in a flash of green light. End of chapter Characters Updates: Kingdom officials Albert Junstone: First appeared in Chapter 6. Deciding to figure out who the hell attacked the kingdom of Altien, Albert is going to see his old friend Morris in Halment while he sends his son to Tanesto to talk to Queen Oracle. hoping that he or Felix will find some answers. Felix Junstone: First appeared in Chapter 6. Following his fathers orders Felix prepares to leave for Tanesto with Erik to hopefully find some answers so he can return to watch over the kingdom in his fathers absence. Erik Yumstrong: First appeared in Chapter 6. As ordered by his higher ups Erik prepares to protect Felix on the way to Tanesto. (Unknown) "Stras Sildna": First appeared in chapter 1. Taking advantage over the bounty on the thief's head. Stras returns the broadsword to some church people and is now currently in pursuit of a thief that ran off with his reward he was planning on using to get closer to Tanesto. "Mindy Krola": First appeared in Chapter 2. Currently unknown. "Talen Sildna": First appeared in Chapter 1. Trying to get escape with Mark, Talen figured out the figure melody wasn't human and was captured by a chain trick. besides that is currently waiting to see whats going to happen to them. "Mark Krola": First appeared in chapter 1. After a failed escape plan Mark was capture by Melody to await what ever this Eco person has planned for them "Qwen Krola": First appeared in chapter 1. Currently unknown. (Demonata Clan) "Master": First appeared in chapter 1. Its been revealed that this figure is in fact female though besides that she hasn't made any orders. "Iochu Blood Axe”:First appeared in chapter 1. Currently unknown. "Luna Truce": First appeared in chapter 1. Its been revealed that she is in a pack with Minutian and Ragna what ever there planing has not really been revealed. "Eve Malit": First appeared in Chapter 4. Currently Unknown. "Ragna Montecol": First appeared in Chapter 4. Has just revealed that he is the head of some sub group planning to do something before the masters plan is in full action. also he has gotten Minutian to join. "Lady Yomia": First appeared in Chapter 4. Currently unknown. "Minutian ?": First appeared in Chapter 4.: He has made a pack with Ragna and Luna to in his mind under mind the master. "Eco Strandeo": First appeared in Chapter 4. Yet to show himself Eco is planning on doing tests on Mark and Talen for a items of unknown origin, shape or worth. also he has revealed to be some sort of wizard what ever his trade is is still unknown. "Melody Guard": First appeared in Chapter 4. Melody or nicknamed the guard has finally made her or its appearance and stopped a small attempt of escape by Mark and Talen. (Dead) "Mrs.Lora Sildna (Dead)": First appeared in chapter 1. During the time of the raid on the kingdom of Altein Lora threw her self in Iochu's way so her youngest son Talen could get away. After being served a fatal blow to her left side Iochu burned the house down but before the house burned down on her, her oldest son Stras came in a tried to save her. Sadly his efforts were in vain as she died by blood lose. Her body burned down with an old wagon. "Mr. Steven Sildna"(Dead?): First appeared in chapter 1 . After the attack on the kingdom Altein, Stras and Talen's father seemed to have burned down with the house also protecting Talen from Iochu. That is anyways the most likely conclusion. "Cicero Malit"(Dead): First appeared in chapter 2. Fighting to protect Talen, Cicero met his death at the hands of Iochu, who simple rushed at him and stabed his axe through the old man. Last edited by kingdomkeylight; November 21st, 2009 at 08:07 AM. |
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| | #2 |
| 空間を入れなさい Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: In the heart of all darkness Age: 21 Posts: 2,471
Rep Power: 5 ![]() Level: 12 EXP: | ---------------------------------------------- Great start to the story ^__^ I can't wait to read more of it ^---^ |
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| | #3 | |
| Twlight Warrior: Silent Fencer Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: A path in which no options are left for me but to move forward Age: 17 Posts: 1,509
Rep Power: 4 ![]() Level: 15 EXP: | Quote:
. alright heres the next part. Do note that this chapter may be a bit long.Chapter 2: Rivals "Your life as you know it is about to change, you better be ready little boy hahahahahahahaha" "What the...” Stras awoke sweating as if he had just been thrown into a ring of fire. Looking around he saw that he was alone in his room, well if you could really call it a room. In reality there was only enough room for a bed, a small place to hang his cloths and the small window shinning a little bit of light into it. "Bro are you awake, come on you promised we could meet up with Mark at Cicero's place," Talen yelled out from the living room. "Ya, ya cool your self down Talen," Stras yelled back as he was getting his cloths on. After deciding to close the window before he left Stras began to walk for the living room until his brother stopped him in his tracks. "And what are you doing with my armor?" Stras asked holding an intrigued but curious look. "Dad got this for you to wear not let stand in a corner and rust, come on bro you look cool in it. Like dad says it makes you look like a true Mage Knight," Talen said looking up at his brother with his innocent eyes. At first Stras tried to avoid it by looking at the ceiling but then he couldn’t help but look at his brother and smile. "Fine you win... you do understand that looks not going to work forever" Stras mumbled as he picked up the chest plate and strapped it on. The armor was made out of a green and blue metal called Kalolite. The chest its self was pure green with the blue colored Kalolite doing miniature circles around the waist and shoulders. The legs were the same the color was mostly green but the edges were encircled with the blue material. However only the arms were a bit different they actually looked more like gauntlets then arm pieces though there color style was the same. The reason for this was it aloud Stras to take hits at the arms and still complete a spell. "See you look amazing," Talen said as if he was speaking to a King. "Oh lord shall you finish your armors looks?” "Don’t push your luck," Stras said knowing what his brother was asking. "But since you somewhat asked nicely I will do it this once," Stras said putting his hands together as he started to concentrate. "Entwined Connection" at first nothing happen but after a minute a black fog started to appear around the places the armor didn’t cover like his waist and hands. Then the fog slowly started to converge on the spots and produced a thick black fabric. Moving his arms and legs around Stras finally got comfortable. "Better," Talen said while nodding in approval. As they both started to walk out the door Talen asked. "Why don’t you buy a sword, or an axe or even a lance?" as they walked down the dirt rode he added. "I mean you can’t be a Mage Knight without a blade." "True but where would I get the money, also were would I get the right blade or blades," Stras asked his brother as they passed Martins Talisman shop. After a few minutes of passing other farms and stores the brothers finally got to Cicero’s. Though even before they could walk, in Mark ran right in front of them. "Hey Stras come on lets go," Quickly and strangely both Mark and Talen pulled Stras into Cicero's tavern. "Ding dong." “Ah customers,” at first the old man of about eighty years was expecting one of his old gambling partners to come in though as he started to hear childish chatter he figured other wise. "Well look who it is Talen and Mark my favorite customers, how are you Stras?" The old man asked as he grabbed some glasses of water. "Doing good Cicero the place looks nice as usual," Stras said with a smile taking a drink as the other boys started to drink as well. "That’s good now tell me your not going to make a mess out side of my tavern right," Cicero asked a little more serious as Mark and Talen looked at each other with worried looks. "What are you...talking abo…your sister’s right out side the tavern isn’t she Mark?" Stras asked looking at the younger of the two boys. "I am sorry she followed me, I told her I was just coming to hang out with Talen. I don’t think she bought it." Mark said with an innocent look. "And why did you really have me put on this armor Talen?" Stras asked as he looked at his brother. Both kids knowing he wasn’t buying the lie. Mark started to finish his drink as Talen looked nervous as ever trying to find the right words. "Because we just wanted to see a real fight, we are never around when Mindy challenges you," Talen said being completely honesty. "Why didn’t you just ask me to go a few rounds with dad that way I don’t get killed?" Stras asked as he banged his head onto the table. “Better hope she’s just shopping today or you two are dead," Stras wasn’t serious but in reality he wasn’t really happy. Mindy was one of those girls that always felt like they had to be the best in the village and every time they saw each other Mindy automatically started a fight with Stras which always ended in a draw. Walking out side the tavern, Stras looked around, though to his surprise there was no sign of Mindy. "Must have had something better to do," Talen said walking up to his brother as Mark waved at Cicero. Running ahead of Stras, the two boys decided there plan must have failed until. "Hey Stras prepare to finally lose," Stras immediately turned around to see an object jump off the tavern coming down pretty quick at Stras. Ducking Stras watched as Mindy’s foot slammed onto the ground causing her to do a back flip to regain balance. Turning to look at Stras, Mindy simply smiled. Unlike her brothers hair Mindy’s was tied up like a Geishas making it look like a sprinkler effect on the back of her head. Mindy stood about five point six feet tall with light blue colored eyes the same as her brothers. Though Mindy just looked like lean girl there was no doubting her strength, her arms showing slight signs of muscle. Unlike Stras, Mindy didn’t wear armor she wore cloths that resembled that of a martial artist, a white garb with black lines and an orange belt. "Come on Mindy do we really have to do this I mean really we have been at this since we were twelve years old," Stras said hoping this might save him from having to go a hell raiser round today. "Yep it’s a prefect time too, you have your equipment, as do I" Mindy said pulling out her Chi Gloves. Just as the name implied, they aloud Mindy to use a chi fighting style called Toera Color Chi. Unlike spell casting, Chi power used less strength for stronger attacks, but also unlike spell casting a body needed to be in great shape to use it. "Talen, Mark you two are so dead" Stras yelled. Even before the fight got started people were already starting to form a crowd. This was pretty common anytime a match was assumed people from the village gathered around to see if there would be a victor. Even Cicero came out of his shop to watch. Letting out a sigh like the one he had given a few minutes ago Stras finally gave up and put on a smile. If he couldn’t escape at least he could see how much he had improved since there last match. "Fine then, ladies first." Smiling back Mindy immediate rushed at Stras jumping up in the air while doing another flip. "Axe kick." Mindy yelled her left foot glowing with blue chi as she came down. "Safe guard" Stras yelled as his gauntlets started to glow using them to block the kick with both of his arms. The good thing about this spell was it softens the blow from Mindy’s attack and allowed Stras to grab it while it was still charged with energy. Grabbing her foot Stras pushed her back stumbling back a few steps as Mindy landed like a cat. "Wonder if Mindy’s right and one of them will finally win?" Mark asked to no one in particular as Mindy shot with an uppercut with Stras countering it with a right kick. "Maybe, even though my brothers awesome I can't tell if he will win," Talen said watching as the fight continue. "Fog screen," Stras pointed his hand at Mindy unleashing a blast of mist at her causing her to block it from going into her eyes. Though as she would learn real quickly, was a big mistake. As Stras jumped through the fog and slammed his foot into her stomach, though before he could pull back Mindy caught it and forced it onto the ground. Right as she did it, she charged her hands and slammed them onto Stras's chest. "Dragon blast," Stras went flying as the yellow chi impacted him sending him to the ground with an added hit as he crashed into a cart. Not wasting any time Mindy took another dive to the air this time coming down dangerously fast. "Screw kick" Mindy’s right foot waved with blood red chi as she came down to impact Stras. "Hurricane blaster," Stras concentrated what was left of his energy into his arms as a blue gun started to form around them. The gun looked like a hug hyper cannon, after a second huge amount of water shot out of it. Slamming into Mindy at a high pressure, the girl found herself slamming into Cicero’s tavern. Getting back up Stras rubbed his arm, that wasn’t exactly the best spell to use on a high pressure attack coming down at high speeds. As the soaking wet Mindy staggered on over to Stras she started to say an incantation until she stopped and fell to the ground. Breathing a little harder as the crowd now was cheering for one or the other. "That hurt...I will give you that much," Mindy said in a calm voice wondering what to do next. "Can we just call it a draw?" Stras asked still pinned to the cart he had crashed into, preparing a spell just in case. "Come on Stras kick her butt," Talen yelled as Mark joined in the yelling. "Get him Sis rock his world," Mark waved his hand trying to get her attention so she knew who said it. "Nope not an option Stras have to finish what we started this time I am going to win, Stalmite Smash," Mindy sped at a high speed toward Stras her chi forming a huge yellow spike around her arm. "Lightening Smash," Stras shot the thunder blast directly into the center of Mindy’s chi causing a small explosion. After a few second the dust finally started to clear showing both kids lying on the ground. "Damn draws," Mindy simple said. Chapters End Introduced Characters: "Cicero Malit": 84 year old Tavern owner who knows everyone in the village. At his old age he has gone bald, with yellow eyes he stands at 5.6ft tall. At one point in time he was known as a powerful Anima summoner. "Mindy Krola" Sister to Mark, Mindy stands at 5.6 ft tall. Has ocean blue eyes and long black hair that she keeps tied around her head in a puffy way. Mindy has benn Stras's rival since they were 12 like Stras she is a great at her fighting style which is called Toera color Chi. Her weapon is astrange pair of gloves. well there it is chapter two chapters three and four will be up soon until then say your thoughts , ideas, suggestion i am all ears. Last edited by kingdomkeylight; November 21st, 2009 at 03:39 AM. | |
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| | #4 |
| 空間を入れなさい Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: In the heart of all darkness Age: 21 Posts: 2,471
Rep Power: 5 ![]() Level: 12 EXP: | ----------------------------------------- Nice introduction of Mindy into the story ^--^ Can't wait to read more of the other character. |
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| | #5 |
| Keyblade Wielder Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: In my own imagination... Posts: 450
Rep Power: 1 ![]() Level: EXP: | That was really a great chapter, very much enjoyable =D *thumbs up*. |
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| | #6 |
| Twlight Warrior: Silent Fencer Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: A path in which no options are left for me but to move forward Age: 17 Posts: 1,509
Rep Power: 4 ![]() Level: 15 EXP: | Seph2: thanks it took me awhile to think of a good way to have her appear. Lumine: Thanks darling. It’s good to have people showing interest. Hey if at any point people have a good character idea they think would in this rp just send it my way. Also I will give rep to anyone that can point out a statement from Xenosaga 1. Chapter 3: True Agony "Honestly you two should think about joining the Knights of Altein and serve your own kingdom then those guilds or headhunters," Cicero said with a chuckle as he handed another ice pack to Mindy who put it on her temple. Stras however had his ice pack on his left arm which the gun had formed on with his second last attack. "Maybe one day Cicero, when Mindy’s done trying to get her or me killed," Stras sarcastically said as Mindy shot him a dirty look. "Nothing wrong with practicing," Mindy said as Stras backed a few seats away. Just because they were evenly matched didn’t mean Stras feared Mindy a little. Just as the tension started too easy Mark asked a random question. "How did you learn to wield magic anyways Stras," the red head turned his head as Mark took a seat right next to Stras. Letting out a small grin he simple answered. "My mom taut me at the same time my dad taught me swordplay," Mark gave Stras an interesting stare but decided to accept the answer. "Ya, Lora and Steven where pretty active in there youth, actually Lora was once the court mage for the kingdom, Steven however never told me much about where he learned his swordplay," Cicero said looking at Stras. "Though Mindy’s, and Marks mother Qwen is quiet skilled with a lance especially when she was with the Templar Knights," Cicero added as if he was remembering when he was younger. "What about you Cicero, were you ever skilled in any fields of combat," Talen asked sitting on his brother’s lap. "Actually When King Arstena was ruling I was in the Knights of Deluta guild as a master Anima Summoner," Cicero said looking up at an old picture of him and his old gang. There was only seven people including him each one with a smile on there face. "Hey Stras didn’t you say you where going to kill those two after are fight," Mindy asked as Mark and Talen let out a small laugh that slowly turned into a chuckle, and then completely silent. Stras however had an evil look on his face. Then after a second his right hand shot out causing the two boys to scream running out the tavern. Watching as they ran like crazy Mindy and Stras started to laugh. "Wow must have been one hell of a blast on the noggin, I have never seen you two this nice too each other," Cicero said looking out the window. Apparently night had sneaked up on them, however now that Cicero had mentioned it Mindy was being a bit nice to Stras and in reality Mindy always tried to make Stras's life a living hell. "Humph Hell must have frozen over, see ya later…," Stras ducked as Mindy threw a glass at his head causing one of the front windows to shatter. "Just put it on my dads tab if you ever find him," Mindy said bolting out the door with a more serious look on her face. Cicero simple moved his head in disapproval. "Some times I wonder... she’s really not a bad girl Stras, yes she may have her fathers bad habits, and her desire to be the best may be a tad destructive but that girl has a good head on her shoulder you may want to make a move before someone else does my boy," Cicero said chuckle however Stras stared at him in complete confusion. "Your kidding right, you do realize she’s a nut case," Stras asked as he replaced the armor for his left hand. Looking up Stras noticed a stare one that his brother sometimes gave him. "Sorry thinking about the old days.... when a girl does one thing doesn’t mean she isn’t thinking about another remember unlike you she only has her mother her father left after Mark was born," Cicero said as Stras started to walk to the exit. "Good night Cicero," what Stras didn’t realize was as he walked out of the tavern that out in the distance behind it was a bright flame not to far away with voices of terror coming ever so closer. ................................................................................................................. "Where are the archers," the main gate's leader yelled dodging a swing by and unknown attacker. Blocking the parry the man shoved his sword through the cloaked figures heart. The Castle had been attacked only four minutes ago by people covered in strange black armor the likes of which had never been seen. "Sir we have been completely taken over the king is dead." "That’s impossible the finest knights left of all Altein were guarding him." "Just because something is classified as "finest" doesn’t mean there perfect doesn’t even mean there good just like the title of "King" though they have great power doesn’t mean they can survive a strike to there side." A cold, harsh voice said after a second the voices source, Iochu appeared out of the flames which were blazing all throughout the castle. Holding his axe obviously covered in blood, almost dripping from it like a beast savoring a juicy piece of flesh. "How dare you die you bastard... gaaaa," Before the guard could reach his target, Iochu swung his axe easily taking the man's sword arm completely off. The soldier charged in sending a vertical slash at the man to protect his superior. Though to the soldier’s dismay Iochu simple leaned away from it as if he had already read the move. Iochu then simple brought the axe upward cleaving the man's head right off. "Lord Iochu, the kingdom of Altein was fallen what are your next orders." asked a foot soldier that had stabbed the superior soldier in the back for a quick death. "The Master wants prisoner's so that is what we shall bring back, attack all the surrounding villages I will take a small unite to the village of Refner," Iochu said as the foot soldier tilted his head in wonder. "Sir why Refner it’s a small useless village." "Are you really questioning me," Iochu asked. The soldier simple looked at Iochu and disappeared in a puff of smoke. ................................................................................................................. “Wow it’s really quiet right now.” Stras had just passed by the Talisman shop when he notice something out into the distance a fire was burning and the closer he got to it the brighter it got. "Dad must be getting rid of that pile of broke....... what the," Stras immediately picked up his pace running at full speed to his house which was ablaze. "Get that boy," Stras turned around to see the very same armored men that had attacked the castle not to long ago come for him. At the moment only four were around but as Stras began to process the area, more and more fires started to appear. "Wow," Stras side step a swing from the first man shoving his foot into the man's face as a counter attack. Though he didn’t understand what the hell was going on apparently he didn’t have enough time as the other three soldiers got up the road, each holding there blades ready to rip at Stras. The boy didn’t have time for a showdown he had to protect his first priority, his family. “Get ready to die kid," One of the men said as the soldiers got ever closer. "Mother forgive me, People of the Flames Dance" Before the soldiers even knew what Stras had said a ring of fire had enveloped them, slowly but surely burning them alive. Running toward the house, and away from the screams that would forever haunt his memories Stras now had to deal with breaking the door down. Thankfully the flames had not gotten to serious yet. As the door fell apart with the first kick causing the boy to run in and immediately go to Talen's room. "Talen, mom, dad where are you," Stras yelled at the top of his lungs running to the living room to which as was his first kill would be the second most burned memory into his mind. "MOTHER" Stras ran to her pulling off the broken wood that had fallen on her. Though as he moved it he realized that wasn’t what was keeping her down. Right at her side was a gash caused by a weapon Stras could guess was an axe. "Strraa.sss... I a...mm so glade to see your alright" Stras was full of tears at this moment picking his mother up and running out the house before it started to collapse. "Honey put m...e down I not going to make it" "Yes you will, once we catch up to dad and Talen we......" Stras was cut of by his mother who had lifted her hand on to his cheek. "That’s what I mean. Your brother you must save him a man walked in covered in blood and an armor I have never seen. He went for Talen I held him off with a few spell...s..... And told Talen to run, he attacked me I couldn’t hit him, you must get to your brother your fathers.....de...de...de" Stras looked at his mother and started to shake her as he put her on the ground. "Wake up mom, mom," Stras say her eyes open one last time. "Son I love you...with...all of my heart," Stras went wide eyed as his mother closed her eyes. Afraid to do so but knowing it would bring him peace, he took one of his gloves and put it on her neck. There was nothing no heart beat, only the fact that she wasn’t breathing anymore. After a minute of holding his mothers hand the reality snapped him back into the world. She said someone had come after Talen. Not wasting a moment Stras leaned his mother on an old wagon that belonged to the family. He would bury the body later after he got Talen. ................................................................................................................. Talen had been running through the forest backtrack road behind the house for a good twelve minutes, his mother had told him if anything had ever gone wrong to go to Cicero’s place immediately. Finally clearing the forest Talen only had a few more feet away before he reached his destination. "Get him," Talen turned around to see that man who had broken into there house was now right behind him with two soldiers closing in real fast, at this rate they would catch him. "Rise Oldeath," Talen turned his eyes back to the way he was running to see that Cicero had ran out his with summon staff Otanko. At first the soldiers were almost at Talen’s neck until at the speed of light a ghostly figure got in between and sliced one of there heads off with a Scythe. "Iron Spike" The other soldier was impaled by a chi spike that Mindy had launched. Right behind her was Mark and there mother who held onto an Arch Lance ready to strike Iochu if he tried to get to close. "Nice toy you got there old man not bad at all, you could be a great addition to are cause," Iochu said walking ever so closer until he was only four feet away from the Anima Oldeath. "Oh ya and what would your cause be attacking helpless people slaughtering innocents and taking slaves for some pathetic lunatic." Cicero said coldly at Iochu as Talen got behind him. "Talen," Stras had only needed a few minutes to catch up with his brother immediately hugging him. Standing straight up Stras looked at the man immediate hatred flowing in as he remembered the description his Mother had given him. "Who the hell are you?" "You mean my name, names are the same as words, used to twist and break the truth, in reality they are nothing but keen perceptions used by those who don’t no a thing, or do you really need a word to describe me," The man said walking a little closer to the Anima. "You can call me Iochu Blood Axe and I believe I will be taking those two boys," Before anyone in the group knew what happen Iochu cut the anima in halve and launched straight for Talen. Right at the same time more soldiers appeared behind Mindy and her mother tackling them and grabbing a kicking Mark. Doing what ever was in there power Mindy and her mother fought desperately to get out of their grip. That was before the remaining guards knocked them out. "Talen move," Cicero pushed Talen out of the way. "Nggh" Cicero looked down at his stomach right where the axe had impaled him. "Cicero," Stras immediately jumped at Iochu but before he even got the chance to shout an incantation Iochu grabbed him by the throat and started to add pressure, while at the same time he pulled his axe out of the dead body that was once the oldest and most respected man in Refner. Then pulling Stras in closer Iochu said. "Next time we meet you better be prepared to take on a god," Then with one swift move Iochu punched Stras with enough force to knock him out. Throwing Stras on the ground Iochu smiled as Mark and Talen let out a scream. "Brother, BROTHER." Having enough of the screaming the soldier wrapped the kids mouth shut. Stopping for a moment Iochu picked up Cicero’s staff. It was a simple green staff but felt as if it had major power. "This will be a nice keep sake leave these people alive there should be witnesses," Iochu said walking away from the burning village watching as his men teleported one by one until only Iochu was left. Turning to look at the unconscious Stras, Iochu for no reason started to laugh, laugh as if he had lost his mind. Then as the others had he disappeared like a piece of dust leaving only the moon to watch Stras and the others. Chapters End This chapter may have a few confusing parts so if need be ask questions. Last edited by kingdomkeylight; November 21st, 2009 at 03:44 AM. |
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| | #7 |
| 空間を入れなさい Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: In the heart of all darkness Age: 21 Posts: 2,471
Rep Power: 5 ![]() Level: 12 EXP: | ----------------------------------------- Another good chapter ^---^ Really going to be interesting seeing more of Iochu ^_^ |
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| | #8 |
| Twlight Warrior: Silent Fencer Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: A path in which no options are left for me but to move forward Age: 17 Posts: 1,509
Rep Power: 4 ![]() Level: 15 EXP: | Thanks Seph2. Ya Iochu is a very messed up character. Its a little hard to use him though i myslef though the creator have already had issues on how to go forward with the character that is until a great idea popped into my head. |
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| | #9 |
| 空間を入れなさい Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: In the heart of all darkness Age: 21 Posts: 2,471
Rep Power: 5 ![]() Level: 12 EXP: | ---------------------------------------------------- lol oh really cool ^^ I can't wait to see what idea this'll be ^--^ |
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| | #10 |
| Twlight Warrior: Silent Fencer Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: A path in which no options are left for me but to move forward Age: 17 Posts: 1,509
Rep Power: 4 ![]() Level: 15 EXP: | Ya well you will have to be very patient then it will take a while before it could be used until then the other 7 warlords will be introduced. Time to time Iochu will be in though. |
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| | #11 | |||||||
| -HAPPY FUN TIME- | You realize this isn't a word, right? Quote:
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The use of "the" gives the feeling that we should know specifically which root this is that his "best" tripped over. But it wasn't mentioned until now. "An" would be for fitting. Quote:
The dialogue should be split into two sentences. It should be "short red hair". It's awkward otherwise. The sentence should end at "out of his face". A new sentence should start at "looking". ", he was filled" should be added to make the sentence complete. Sentence should end at "accident". Either make the next bit a new sentence, or join it to the previous sentence with a comma and conjunction or a semi-colon. Quote:
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UGH. I can't edit this anymore. You just have so many grammar and spelling issues it is completely beyond me. Trying to fix this was tiring and exhausting and I've realized that the entire piece continues to make the same mistakes over and over again. You seriously need to proofread/get someone else to proofread your writing before you post it, because it's pretty much just a clusterfuck of grammar mistakes. Run-ons, dialogue grammar, complete sentences, etc. Look into them. | |||||||
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| | #12 |
| Twlight Warrior: Silent Fencer Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: A path in which no options are left for me but to move forward Age: 17 Posts: 1,509
Rep Power: 4 ![]() Level: 15 EXP: | Alrighty then after careful concideration I have fixed almost every single grammer error.(Well hopefully lol). |
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| | #13 |
| Quoth the Raven Join Date: May 2007 Location: Tomorrow Age: 19 Posts: 2,524
Rep Power: 6 ![]() ![]() Currently playing: ACII, MW2, U2, BB, Riviera, Yggdra Union, Braid Level: 15 EXP: | Well, unfortunately, you didn't fix most of your errors. In fact, it doesn't look like you fixed much. So, instead of going through every single error you made (and trust me, that would take a while). I'll have you do some of the work. The upside to this tactic is that if you really want to improve, you'll look this over. Below, is a link to English grammar rules. Please go through them so that you can figure out what not to do. Focus on the "Word and Sentence Level" and "Paragraph Level" sections. Guide to Grammar and Writing |
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| | #14 |
| how annoying. | You need to do a lot more work if you want to improve. I couldn't really read this. Everything seems so unorganized and messy. Here's a fun fact: Ellipsis (...) only has three periods and then you hit space after the last one. Only three. Having ".." and even more than three just makes you look like a dumbass. |
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| | #15 |
| Twlight Warrior: Silent Fencer Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: A path in which no options are left for me but to move forward Age: 17 Posts: 1,509
Rep Power: 4 ![]() Level: 15 EXP: | Nevermore: Yet again dont have spell check but shall use the link for help. Annoyance:Like I have said I am not perfect. Will take Ellipsis fact to heart though. |
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| Tags |
| red heads are taking over the main character style lol |
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