After the Beep.

[Crimson Crashing]

Cindy sat on her bed, she seemed like she had a rough night.
Her hair was still messy, and she hadn't showered yet. Her blonde curls were covered in filth and sticky.
She had put on the shirt that her boyfriend had gotten her the week before.
She missed him, and craved his voice.


She rubbed her eyes, as her smeared make-up wiped on her fingers.
She felt so unattractive as she noticed the bags under her eyes with her delicate fingers.

She lied back and picked up her phone. She froze as her finger reached the buttons. She seemed frozen in time.
She dialed the first digit.
She started to think to herself.
"Do I want to call?"
She pushed the bangs out of her eyes as she glanced at the screen.

She pushed end and shook her head.
Cindy got up and walked into the bathroom.
Staring at her reflection, she filled her cupped hand full of water.
Bringing it up to her face, she placed her hands flat on her forehead as the water streamed down her warm skin.

Dripping off her chin, the water landed in a partially dirty puddle beside her sink.

She returned to her bed and picked up her phone swiftly before.
Pressing a different button swiftly, she let speed-dial do what she felt to weak to.

It began to ring.
Her heart started pounding. she felt suffocated in the shirt she was wearing.

The phone continued to ring as she started playing with her collar.

The ringing stopped.

"Hello?"
A male voice played over the small speaker.

A smile made it's way onto Cindy's face. Her lips pressed together, her nose scrunched at the top just the way he loved.

"Hello?"
More monotone then before. She began to frown again.

"Haha, just kidding! It's me, Rob. Sorry, I don't have my phone on me right now."
Tears began to form in her eyes.

"Just leave me a message after the beep and I Promise I'll call right back! Bye."
A small chuckle before hanging up.

She hung up. A choking sensation came before her.

She fidgeted with her phone, she pressed send twice and brought the phone to her face with two hands.

Her phone began to ring.

"Hello?...Hello?"
She began to cry.

"Haha, just kidding! It's me Rob. Sorry, I don't have my phone on me right now.
Just leave me a message after the beep and I Promise I'll call right back! Bye. Haha."

She started to sob violently.

She pressed send twice.

"Hello?...Hello?"

She threw her phone against the wall, it fell open before hitting the ground.
She buried her face in her pillow, as she sprawled herself over the bed.
His voice was ringing through the room, it was unbearingly loud.
The deafening noise shrouded over her like a storm.

"It's me Rob. Sorry, I don't have my phone right now."

She started to squirm.
He body felt so hot and sore.

Haring crinkling under the bed, she pulled out the newspaper.
Her mother had brought it in before she woke up.

She opened it up.

The headline was in large font.
"Fatal Car Crash."

She looked at the twisted vehicle in the picture.
Underneath was a short passage.

"Last night, Robert Patterson and his girlfriend Cynthia Bowers were involved in a fatal car crash. Robert was driving west on Lake Street when he swerved off the road and came into contact with a tree, killing himself and injuring the woman passenger."

Her sight became blurry with tears.
Her mouth fell wide open as she started to shriek.
She shook violently and screamed as the tears streamed from her eyes.

Yet over the horrific screams of terror and depression, his voice still bellowed over.

" I Promise I'll call right back! Bye. Haha."

[midget00999]

oh i like that.

you awesome bastard!

[13courtgarud75]

wow this is pretty cool. i like it.

[Crimson Crashing]

Originally Posted by midget00999

oh i like that.

you awesome bastard!

Originally Posted by 13courtgarud75

wow this is pretty cool. i like it.

Thanks. :3

This is my first time writing.
Kind of.

[Cinollex]

c:

I still like it, though.

[Crimson Crashing]

Originally Posted by Cinollex

c:

I still like it, though.

Omg.
That sucks.

But this site is funny as hell.
I see people with these in their sigs, but I never knew what site they were from.
I'm looking through all of them now. XD

[Riel]

Yeah, I read part of it. I don't like the spacing you used, and I don't believe that you didn't see that comic before you wrote this. =/

[Abbot]

Originally Posted by Crimson Crashing

But this site is funny as hell.
I see people with these in their sigs, but I never knew what site they were from.
I'm looking through all of them now. XD

I have read. Every single one of them. I'm so proud. :D


But, anyways. This next bit is probably just going to be about grammar, and spelling mistakes. Here goes.

Cindy sat on her bed, she seemed like she had a rough night.

I don't know for sure, but I think that's a bit wrong. That sentence is made up of two different sentences, but it doesn't combine them properly. You could put 'and' after the comma, or replace the comma with a semi-colon, and it'd seem fine.

Her blonde curls were covered in filth and sticky.

Her curls were covered in sticky? Did you mean 'and were sticky'?

She lied back and picked up her phone.

I'm pretty sure it's 'lay back'. :/

She returned to her bed and picked up her phone swiftly before.

I think you meant 'as swiftly as before.'

she felt suffocated in the shirt she was wearing.

I'm sure it was a mistake, but don't forget that each sentence starts with a capital letter.

She fidgeted with her phone, she pressed send twice and brought the phone to her face with two hands.

She threw her phone against the wall, it fell open before hitting the ground.

The same as that first example. Those are two separate sentences combined into one. Either use 'and', a semi-colon, or make them two separate sentences.

Haring crinkling under the bed, she pulled out the newspaper.

Haring? Do you mean 'hearing'? And a little suggestion, does 'She heard a crinkling noise, and pulled the newspaper out from under the bed.' sound okay? I don't know, I don't want to change anything, but the original sentence sounds off to me. But, that could just be me.

Yet over the horrific screams of terror and depression, his voice still bellowed over.

You should have a comma after 'Yet'. I think Yet is an interjection. I'm not completely sure, but I know you need a comma after it. It's like starting a sentence with But or And. It wouldn't be 'But he didn't know.' It would be 'But, he didn't know.'




Sorry, just me nitpicking a bit. I'm not completely sure if I'm all right, but I think I am. I'm not the greatest writer, so don't think I'm being a dick. If I come off as so, I didn't intend to. Just trying to help your little story out, and let it be even better.

[Crimson Crashing]

Originally Posted by Riel

Yeah, I read part of it. I don't like the spacing you used, and I don't believe that you didn't see that comic before you wrote this. =/

I actually got the idea to write this from my friend.
He read some poems that I have written before and told me that I should try a short story.

EDIT: SHIT!
I do remember this from somewhere.
God damn it. ><
I'm not gonna lie, it probably influenced most of this.
Omg.
I feel so uncreative now. >_>