| | #1 |
| Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Age: 14 Posts: 166
Rep Power: 1 ![]() Level: EXP: | PROLOGUE They walked through the empty streets together, hand in hand. Living on the road was tough, and each other were all they had. _________________________________“Another city, another story right?”asked Rika “Yeah, but just how many storys do we have left?” asked Kado Rika sighed. She always hated the first days in new cities because Kado used the time to recall his past and the incident. Another downside for her was that he would hardly speak to her during these days, feeling guilty about dragging her into what felt like a nightmare. “I’m sorry,” Kado said. “For what?”Rika asked “For not getting you safe yet…how long have has it been, and we still haven’t found it.” Rika stopped walking, causing Kado to stop. He watched her as she glanced around, getting brief looks at the homes, buildings, and stores surrounding them. She was clearly looking for something to say. “Listen,” she started. “You don’t have to apologize to me. You have to remember, I chose to give up everything and come with you, you didn’t make me. So take as long as you need. I’ll be with you until the end, whether we find it or not.” He took her into his arms and looked towards the night sky. Somehow, he had to find it. For Rika. Yeah, I haven't wrote a story in a while, so I thought I'd try. Please please please criticize, it'll determine whether I'll continue the story. The idea for this story came to mind not to long ago, and this prologue should get you thinking :P Again, PLEASE CRITICIZE. Last edited by ZanexChaos; August 20th, 2009 at 10:10 PM. |
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| | #2 |
| Sir Jecht's Judge Magister Gabranth | grammar/punctuation needs a bit of work, but otherwise it isn't too bad really. pity it's a bit on the short side though :v |
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| | #3 |
| how annoying. | The main issue with asking us to critique and criticize is that there's barely anything to say. We have only a tiny sip of what's to come, what we need to expect, etc. Your main issues are that you have some grammar issues and your layout confuses me. |
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| | #4 |
| Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Age: 14 Posts: 166
Rep Power: 1 ![]() Level: EXP: | Yeah, sorry for the grammar issues, I typed it up in a rush. I'll revise it later. Besides that, do you guys think I should continue it though? EDIT:Can you guys add the specific parts that confused you, so I know exactly what to fix? |
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| | #5 |
| how annoying. | Well for one, why is it centered? Just have it as a normal format. There isn't really room to be confused about the plot because there isn't much plot to read. This is just like... a prologue. |
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| | #6 | |
| Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Age: 14 Posts: 166
Rep Power: 1 ![]() Level: EXP: | Quote:
Expect Chapter 1 by Tuesday | |
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